M.Y the dreamer: revelations

2009-08-13T05:56:00.000-07:00

Dear all, I have moved to www.truthsetsyoufree-aspirations.blogspot.com ! :D

Please do visit my new blog. :)

New Blog! Oh yeah! :)

2009-07-19T07:31:00.001-07:00

Go to the section 'Information' on my Facebook Profile to click on the link to my new Blog Site. :)

See you again!

It's a Tuesday. School Day.

2009-06-29T17:07:00.000-07:00

It's a Tuesday. School Day. Alone in com lab. :)

Yesterday was great, really. :) Because it's kind of official that I've quit TSD a.k.a Threatre Studies and Drama, Thank God, and my KI lecture was cancelled because it's really weird to learn any more new stuff this week when exams are just next week, I could go home really early. :))

By early, I mean somewhere around 12.45pm! Usually, I am only dismissed earliest at 4.15pm, and usually I involve myself in CCA or idling in school that I don't get to see the 'light of day' by the time I reach home! hahaz. So yesterday was great! :)

And I have to state that KI was a blessing. :) I mean if I hadn't opted for this subject, I wouldn't get to be dismissed from TSD lessons at all. But KI provides me enough subject units to drop TSD, which my seniors are actually envious of me for.

Yesterday, I learnt a lesson that I hope would stay with me for long, perhaps for life. See, I was really bothered that my CCA Students' Council is so stressful and kind of demanding around the events planning and execution period, I was serious about giving it up already. Not taking into account that it's one CCA that's much too difficult to withdraw from, anyway. But my elder sister began to lecture/ coax me to reconsider this decision. She commented that SC is one of those CCAs whereby I can get to learn many skills that will be beneficial to me later in life. I agree, totally. It's only that I don't know if I can handle the amount of 'discipline' now to go through the sufferings before I appreciate the results. And it was commented many times before that SC is one CCA where results are not as tangible as that of solid medals or titles. No; we don't get to get 'Gold with Honours' for a job well done nor do we get a special title or status for whatever hard work we put in. In fact, many events that we have planned and will plan will only be appreciated by perhaps the student population for a while, without them even recognising the source of the events' success, and no one much would even bother to mention our contributions later on. It's life's fact. But that doesn't necessarily mean we have striven for nought.

When I didn't know why I was in the Council anymore, I was in distress and sadness.I thought to myself that I would quit the Council and exhaust more of my time in serving God.

Then my elder sister said yesterday that I should seek God in prayer and perhaps pray for a vision in my sleep to know what to do henceforth. She said God would never want me to quit Council. I was quite reluctant to do that actually. I thought: Now why is Council implicated with my relationship with God?

Then it struck me that it might just be. I recalled the times and nights I had prayed to my Father in heaven to mould my character to become more and more like His. I acknowledged in prayer that it would not be easy and might mean that I would have to suffer a little. The pastors in church talked about the 2 kinds of wilderness we Christians would be put through. One to help us overcome bad habits and sin. the other to deal with our attitudes and help us lean on God. Perhaps this is a form of 'wilderness' or 'disciplining' action in my life. I had prayed to God to mould me. Well, He very well might be in this way, not that it was easy to recognise the fact at first. I had thought the periods of trial would be in the form of an illness, an accident and the like. But I realise it doesn't have to be. God Almighty deals with us in different ways that suit His purposes best and that is fitting for us.

I've told God I want to serve Him. I do want to serve Him. But right now my sense of commitment and responsibility is in question. If I can't even handle Council stuff well, how can I expect to serve Him well in future? Perhaps God is trying to change my attitude through Council. I remember roughly that in the bible, it is stated that Jacob wrestled long and hard with God. Therefore, from this knowledge, I don't want to wrestle with God's plans and discipline for me. It is useless to wrestle Him since I know He would win in the end. But it is out of His love that He even disciplines me in the first place. So instead of going round in circles and suffering for a prolonged period, I want to overcome my lack of commitment and responsibility through Council rather than wait for the wilderness period to drag on till my next form of trial.
If it does not take Council to change me for the better, something else or even more harsh in nature might be in store for me to handle. By God's wisdom, I don't want that. So I surrender myself now. :)

Yes, I know that God will deliver me from sin and from my foolishness. He will not leave a city half-built, for others would mock at the creator of that city. But because He started out to change me, He will continue His discipline in me and continually mould me into His likeness till eternity. :) :)))

If I resist God's discipline, I would surely suffer greatly because of my folly. But if I lean on God for His strength and mercy, He will deliver me. :)

2009-06-28T17:54:00.000-07:00

This is the FIRST day of Term 3 in VJC 2009. :))

And it's kind of boring. Can't help it hah. School's a whirlwind of boredom,

stress, social life, CCA, studying, occasionally mugging and rotting away. hahaz.

Hmm..exams are next tuesday and I haven't commenced on my KI revision!!!

Lol.

Okay, this is nothing to laugh about...but... I love KI.

Don't get me wrong. It's just that KI doesn't feel like a subject one actually studies.

It's more like a subject you READ about. Like go read up some encyclopedias and

philosophy books or something. Which can seem pretty fun. :)

Yes, better than doing Mathematical calculations, I suppose!

Gee. >.<

I'm so screwed because I haven't figured out how to use the G.C!! Yes, halfway

into JC1, I am still kinda clueless about the functions and use of a G.C calculator!!

hmm...

I need help !!

SINGAPORE FLYER!!!

2009-06-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

26 June 2009(Friday) - 10.58pm.

Singapore Flyer was cool and fun. :)

Went with Jocelyn and half of the cell-group today. :)

There was Gary, Kaven, Sock Hwee, Me, Danny, Alex and Simon. :)

It was pretty cool, with all of us doing fun poses and shots on board the Flyer. :))

I wasn't keen on taking photographs actually. (I don't like to take photographs

with a group!!) hahaz. Weird hah. The only photos I like to take are of my individual

self taken personally or of mere scenery!!

Anyways, we still took photos together regardless, particularly because

'Joce' and 'Sock' love taking snapshots!! Not forgetting the really vain Kaven!!

Hahaz. Sock has a fondness for taking photos of her seemingly 'eating up' buildings,

I realise! And Alex doesn't like taking photos of himself (with a group at least) like

me! I have observed today. Well, and we sang "On the Top of the world" to record on

camera today on board the Flyer. Not forgetting we were not alone in the capsule!!

Lol. There were other tourists/visitors too who just had to laugh at us or be

entertained by our antics.

Tomorrow's a real busy day for me! Heading off to All Saints at Anglican High School

in the morning to see what's up with Alpha Course there. Then I really want to be able

to chat with Fu Shun Mu Shi and Cui Fen Jie too. Haven't seen them or conversed

with them in a long while!! Then I'd be heading off to queue super early at the

entrance of Expo Hall 1 so that our cell group can get good seats for CHC service

tomorrow! Thereafter AN zone is heading off to Kallane Leisure Mall to watch

'Transformers"! So Cool. ~ Can't wait. :))

Right now I'm thinking how I'm supposed to study with this schedule I planned for

myself...hmmz...

2009-06-25T02:26:00.000-07:00

Message of the day: Be proud of who you are. :)))
Be proud of your body's constitutes (make-up).

Today's Churchwide Bible study day again. :))) - the fourth in a four-part series.

Something I did wrong today anyway: I was rude to Mum over the phone.
Yes, I was irritated and intolerant. Hah. Bad. Very Bad.
I should repent of that. I need a breather first. That's why I claim I need time.

Loads of time. That's an excuse isn't it? It's now. Or possibly never.

God help me.

Tomorrow Excellites are meeting at Safra Tampines to celebrate that none of
us has been hit by Swine Flu. Haha.

It's probably my last time meeting Excellites as a whole. I don't know.
We'll see how things go anyway. Arrgh. They have been kind and nice to me. :)

Gee. I want to see them. More. I guess. Even though I am not that close to them,
but, they're really sweet people. :)))

Haix. Si Hui Jie was especially nice to me and tolerant of all my lamentations. Haha.
And she was so sweet to stay up till past midnight? To hear all I had to say about life.

Wow. She's like my big big sister; very mature and sensible in her thoughts. Though she's only 3-4 years older than I. Si Hui rocks. God can see that, I believe. :)))
And she likes to be called 'Ke Ai' (cute). HA. Ha. She should stop that.

NO, actually not. That's so her.

BFF (a.k.a Best Friend Forever) Liyana called up yesterday. Haha.
She was worried I am upset over something again. No, dear, don't worry. Hahaz.
I'm pretty much sane, for now, at least. :D
Hahaz. And she was worried I have a crush on her classmate whom I met for less than an hour and exchanged only 2 sentences with? Lol!

He's hot. And handsome. But I don't really care now. Hmm..
Because I like someone else anyways...
Not that I even tell Li. Hahaz. Sorry, I shan't talk about him. Because...
you know...
I don't want it to become MY reality. hahaz. :D

Nightmare: I thought I saw him. Yesterday.
I hope it was just an illusion.
Hmmz, I don't want to feel such fate or affinity. Gosh.

2009-06-23T03:19:00.000-07:00

Crashing TP (Temasek Poly)~COol.

(Asterisk) is hot.

He is hot.

He is hot and handsome.

hahaz. Okay, that's besides the point.

I crashed TP today. :) And saw the wild side of poly people. hahas.

I lunched wth Liyana after she abandoned me at the air-conditioned canteen for

2 hours, in which I spent 1/3 time studying and then 2/3 time loitering around

school compounds thereafter.

So cool. ~

This group of poly guys caused me to be paranoid, so I moved away from the canteen

shortly after. What was that? Camera flash? In my direction?

No one sitted behind me or beside me. The only thing behind me was some school

scenery and they really didn't need to take photos of their own school...

hahaz. besides the point again.

Anyways, I saw (Asterisk). Hahaz. The guy who's supposed to be hot.

And he is. How cool. :)

He's friendly too. That's good. Not some guy who tries to 'act cool'.

Hahaz. And did he think I'm from some schooling institute?

I vaguely heard that, I think, and this causes me to laugh. Hah.

What a refreshing idea!! But that's cool for me. :)))

No one was really paying attention during Math lecture. Not that the

poor lecturer bothered much. They went through simple, small bits for Math..

and zoom. It was over; Math lecture.

hahaz. I remember people talking away and going online during the lecture...

hahaz. Nothing much learned anyway. Just some logarithms...hmmz.

The school compound is amazing; spacious and beautiful. Typical polytechnic.

There were peeps smoking at the staircases. Illegal in school, I was told.

But yeah, they were friendly when we asked to walk past them. :)

Khairul, Liyana's friend and my primary school mate, wants to work as a

life-guard at their poly's swimming complex. Cool, they CAN do that!!

how HOT! :) Literally. The sun was scorching today!

He would get paid $7.50 per hour on weekdays and $8.50/$9.50 per hour on

weekends just by sitting at the swimming complex for hours on end.

What a treasure-find and a brilliant job to take up. Oh man!

I wouldn't ever be that broke again if I took up such a great deal of a job!!

Hmmz.

AN zone from CHC wants to watch Transformers together on Sat, I think.

They are contemplating booking a whole cinema theatre at Kallang if enough people

agree to that idea. Cool.~ I hope to go. :)

Except that I am kinda broke. Again. I hope Mum will sponsor.

Haha. :)

There's this rumour that reached my ears that Mid-years will be postponed by one

week for VJC-ians. Wow. That's totally off my wish-list anyway. But if comes true,

well, that's great too. :)

But we will not get any extended school holidays whatsoever...I guess..

Hah. 'The Ultimatum' on Channel 8 is really driving my mind nuts.

It's so tragic, the story-line, that you might not bear to watch it.

I only like happy-endings by the way, unless a tragic ending is filmed

SKILFULLY enough! haix..

The pursuit of happy-ness...

2009-06-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

22 June 2009 10.12pm

Will School Hoidays be extended? I hope it will be! Lol.

But seriously: that's FAT hope!

Since the Influenza A a.k.a Swine Flu has is now community-spread,

it sure doesn't seem to make much of a difference whether students carry on with

School Holidays or not. Since all of us would be hanging around the malls anyway...

:(

Hee. I'm crashing my BFF's polytechnic course tomorrow at TP!

It's Aerospace engineering. Hah.

I'm so bored....

And I have to study lehx...

Haven't been doing so...

:)))))))

I am Touched. :)))

2009-06-19T21:36:00.000-07:00

I am Touched. :)))

By the grace of God I am saved. :D

And now I shall run after Him. :))))

Yesterday's Churchwide bible study at City Harvest was GREAT!!

God was speaking to us again; His beloved children!!

And my beloved Father in Heaven was really kind to touch me with His concern

about my INDIVIDUAL struggles.

See? I emailed Pastor Kong that day regarding my intention to transfer from VJC to

home-schooling or even to ITE because I can't cope with stress and piles

of notes and homework cum PW.

But Pastor Kong was overseas so Pastor Derek Dunn replied instead.

He told me to go see a senior pastor face-to-face or just go talk with my zone Pastor.

Yep, I haven't done that. But anyways,

Pastor Dunn went on stage briefly yesterday and he said something about

the importance of our EDUCATION and work and yet how it was so 'small' and

(in my own words) insignificant when you think about God and (you know) just the

journey you'll take with Him and the things you will do to serve Him. Oh man.

to be honest, I forgot what he said. I just know that it struck me and it applied to me

and somehow I could feel that he was talking in relation to me because of my email

he read. SO cool!!

So mighty cool!

And I experienced 'slaying' or whatever you call it for the first time in my life

yesterday!

I was actually quite worried why I wasn't as overwhelmed by the power of the Spirit

as the rest of the churchgoers who went up to the front yesterday, but Jocelyn

assured me that it's alright, really.

I hope someday soon I will totally collaspe under the power of God's spirit, because

my heart will be totally open for him. :))

Oh, I have to go out with Mummy for lunch now, but I just want to show you

a really cool and relevant post (daring too) of Pastor Kong on his blog.

It's so mighty great he wrote it and posted it, I want to share it with you! :)

The link is http://www.konghee.com/www/2009/06/what-up-with-masturbation/#comment-665.

Yup, so there you go. :) It's 12.47pm on Saturday 20 June 2009.

And there's Father's Day special service at CHC later!!!

Arrgh. Can't wait.

Kayz, gtg! Bye. :)))

Randomness suggests things. :))) - the rainbow post!!

2009-06-17T01:49:00.000-07:00

My life is a roller-coaster~ experience. Whee! Hang. On. Buckle your seat-belt.
Cling on to God because only He can help you and He loves you very much !

Yes. I want to love Him very much too. Because all things in this world are junk.
><

Okay, I'm going to the gym later with Jocelyn, the cell group leader of Diana Teo's cell
group in which I'm most probably joining.
:)

Hope it'd be fun. And comfortable for me. Really. I sure am bored and 'rotting away'
at home anyway!!
I've never been to the gym before, actually. See: I have a park conveniently located
downstairs. And there are those exercising equipment conveniently located right
inside the small park; which I rarely frequent!!
Hah! I bet I'm growing fat; inside.
That's the problem. When I binge sometimes because I'm bored, greedy or simply
frustrated/stressed up or upset over things, the fat accumulates inside my body, within my arteries or whatever veins. And they don't really SHOW on the outside!
So when I'm having chest pains or breathing difficulties, which I do occasionally, I still appear pretty fit or athletic!
Yeah, to think that some people see me as athletic. They presume I take netball, am in track-and-field etc. because I am tanned and I am not chubby. Haha. :D
Dunno. -.- I get tanned really easily. Like when I walk 15 minutes in the Sun,
that's it. My skin tone becomes darker for weeks!!

Movie Advertising! (Ha. Ha.)

Okay, go watch "OBSSESSED" and "G.I. JOE", 2 movies which are 'creeping up'.
They appear really INTERESTING and FUN! - whatever that means to you ANYWAY!
And Jack Neo's 'Xia dao Xiao' or 'Where got Ghost?' certainly seems FUNNY and STUPID and worth-your-spare-cash when it was advertised at the movie threatre screenings yesterday.
Hah. Wanna know how to spend your cash on something enjoyable? Go for a movie-marathon THEN! I was pondering to myself yesterday, because yesterday was a
'Me, Myself, and I' day out, about what it'd be like if you bought several movie tickets for different shows that would be screened concurrently at the cinema that day. So that means that once you have come out of one threatre hall, you rush off to the next and you don't see the person who tears off a portion of your movie tickets again, right?
As in you don't have to! So basically, you can enter the theatres in the morning and only leave it at around 11 plus pm at night?? COOL. Totally cool!
Now then, why hasn't anyone tried sneaking into another threatre hall with a movie ongoing after they have finished watching their purchased movie screening in another hall? Like they can do that all day right? They only need to pay the price of one ticket and already they can watch all the movies screened in the cinema that day.
Oh man! SO cool!

(psst. No wonder my Econs teacher once said I have a Criminal Mind. :P :P )
Ooops!!

I am in a dilmena. Should I quit my CCA?
I hope no one from my CCA is reading this, except for those people who already have
in mind my plans.
Oh man! I really love my CCA, I guess..But it's too much work for me..
Therefore, I'm not loving it even half as much I did start out. Arrgh. :X

And I'm now in charge of a CCA-related programme or whatever you call it.
It is a dread going to school and showing enthusiasm for it just because I'm in charge of it!!
Arrgh. :X :X

I guess I need help. Which I think is readily available for me.
Then again I think I don't.

Must I trouble people. AGAIN?
See? I don't know; myself. I don't know!

'Drag me to hell!'

2009-06-16T04:03:00.000-07:00

16 June 2009 7.15pm~
DRAG ME TO HELL.

Terrible.

No, I'm not referring to the standard of Sam Raimi's new horror film.

I'm referring to it as a hellishly horrifying movie experience.

Marvellous too for its countless thrills and it sure doesn't disappoint me in the

horror aspect!! :D Gosh! It was a rude scare. Totally freaky and you can feel your

heart pulsate rapidly within you. The fear that grips the victim in the movie is

shared by you as a movie-goer too. Sure is cool and terrific! ! !

(didn't fancy the ending though)

BUT the great quality of the movie more than makes up for that! :))))

Great job Sam Raimi! - Spiderman's BRILLIANT director! XD

Today I was troubled (still am anyway) with where my life is heading.

I HATE schooling. Since a long LONG time ago, anyway. :-(

And it's a problem trying to figure out what to do. :-( And even thinking about

going through Mid-years? I'm totally horrified (not in a thrilling exciting kind of way

too!) My life is certainly no movie! A drama perhaps, which is less desirable I guess!!

Oh dear, my friend said not to be rash. What does that mean anyway?

What are the options for me anyway?

1)
Run. Away.

(So simple and foolish. hah.)

2)
Just submit empty answer scripts for Mid-Years!!

(yeah right, then what? what? tell me!)

3)
So far, (there is NO option 3!!)

Help. I don't know what to do with Exams.

The only options open to me seem to be to go THROUGH it or WITH it.

Man! Sure can handle that? Not that I can't. But I WON'T!!

(Stubborn girl!!)

Oh hey hey, I'm not in a very comfortable position too you know?

I just want to be FREE ( as in liberated). Is that WRONG?

Hmmz......sighs...... breathes...deeply...

ArrGH. :X

Today I say what I want to say~

2009-06-15T03:49:00.000-07:00

15 June 2009 6.49pm.

Today I say what I want to say.~

Oh man! I haven't blogged for a while and many things have happened so far, in the mental, physical, emotional and even spiritual.

Firstly, LOUD camp was really fun! :D Made some funny and nice friends who just seem to enjoy 'suan-ing' VJC and its people!!
We cheered alot of cheers in HOKKIEN and some dialects which I didn't understand. Oh man! But I missed the second day of fun at SENTOSA island because I had to leave for my class's SERVICE LEARNING VENTURE.
Basically, SLV was bringing rather well-to-do kids from Kinderland in Seng Kang out to the Seng Kang Community Centre for a day of learning, fun and GAMES!

Well, I have to say (even Ms Rachel Teo commended) that the SLV project was pretty much a success for our class, given the 4-6 year olds really enjoyed themselves and had a great time of mingling with us. :) :) It was a success despite lack of initiative of members of the class to plan the event in the beginning and procastination. BUT thank God it went great! However, I have to state my PHOBIA of kids hasn't been erased. Oh man! -.- I still dislike their company and am afraid of being in their presence as much as ever!! ><

Anyway, back to LOUD camp, one thing I do remember and that was pretty memorable was climbing over St Hilda Primary School's (our lodging area) side gate to head off to 7-eleven in the middle of the night when it was already camp curfew! :P

haha. :D that was fun! Along with games our team (or half of it) played during the wee hours (up to 2 plus am for me).

And being so enthusiastic about CHC thereafter, I went to attend the churchwide bible study there on Friday, 7.30pm. It was AWESOME! :) Went there with Fang Hui who is a really sweet and friendly fellow Anglican and Victorian student. Funny how the world is so small and we all are in contact with one another!!

Saturday's service a.k.a celebrity weekend was a blast! I managed to shake Niu Nai's hands TWICE and shake Vanness Wu's hand, of which I could feel the black ring he wore slip out a little. :) I was practically joining the fervent and ecstatic cum 'crazy' crowd chasing them that day as they made their exit after we got to get up close to them! hahaz. can't believe myself.

Well, actually, yes! I have always been so unpredictable and 'high'. hahaz. :D :D
But I figured they're just human beings like you and I. No point getting crazy over them. I shouldn't even idolize them. The only one I should ever idolize and worship is God my Father and Saviour! :) :)

Then it was Shawn's birthday and Sock Hwee's send-off day simultaneously. So we celebrated Shawn's birthday after service and headed off to Changi Airport to send Sock Hwee off to Sydney. Oh man! She gets to go to such a wondrous location for a school trip!! But it's pretty dangerous as the SWINE flu is now considered a pandemic, which suggests it is very contagious and possibly deathly! I hope she returns to Singapore after a weeklong excursion safe, healthy and happy! :)

Harper's Island last night was super thrilling and scary. It made my heart pound madly at points in the episode. Oh man! I love the show. :) :) It's one of those shows where the director is an expert who knows how to direct and even keep the cast members in suspense!! I read that the actors only know they are going to get murdered in the show 3 days before it actually got filmed, via a telephone call!!
Wow, everyone prays they don't receive the bad news!!
BLADE was great too. :) Apparently Chaste died yesterday when the bomb Blade planted in the hospital she was in went off. Hah. Didn't like her much anyway. But it leaves her guy Boss or partner pretty much vulnerable to attacks and betrayal. The pure bloods made an appearance in the show yesterday and they didn't like or trust him much. He's in trouble, I guess..Whoo, anyway, Chrystal rocks! So cool and sexy!

My mum didn't go to work today. She took leave. So she took my elder sister and I out for Buffet at Safra Tampines Sakura International Buffet restaurant. I thought I could handle the food. BUT I felt really sick and full 2/3 way into my meal. Buffets KILL your appetite! Be warned! ><
hahaz.

My mum actually gave her consent for me to go watch 'Drag me to Hell' after that. I declined. Why? Because I freaking though it was still Sunday and that there was a nice TV programme at home. -.- Grr. ><

And then right now, or just now when I hadn't gone off to take an afternoon nap since I was all drowsy, I complained about insufficient monetary allowance, lack of nice clothes in my wardrobe and all those 'bitchy' stuff. Arrgh. ><><

And basically I'm pretty much upset these days over having to study and all. I am so lazy and I hate regimentalistic systems and basically I hate responsibilities, commitments and stress so much that I want to drop out of school. I know it wasn't much of a choice back in Secondary School because the government would demand kids of schooling age be in the education system at least until after secondary-schooling level. But NOW, it's not about a government-imposed obligation anymore. It's more about a societal obligation, which I mostly detest and am frustrated with right now. I don't want to continue studying. I have considered home-schooling, which my mother denied me because it is very costly.

I am so annoyed and frustrated and troubled. Truthfully, even ITE seems to suit me for now. Better than being in a reputable JC, at least. I can't tolerate regiments, homework, projects even. I can't tolerate exams. And mostly, I can't tolerate the study stress. Even though I most certainly fail to study. At ALL.

I'm sorry. If I feel I have to flunk Mid-Years, I might. I know I should be more sorry to myself than to anyone else. Well, right now, I'm not apologetic to myself. I feel I know what I want in life, in partiality at least.

I don't want to merely listen to the advice of the elders or grown-ups. I want to taste failure. I want to taste what I want to taste, be it dropping out of school at seventeen or whatever it is. I want to learn things my way.

Yes, many times people can't cope in the societal system but they are FORCED to because they feel there is no other way out of this. I object to this.
This life is mine. I choose what I want and feel suits me. As long as it isn't wrong.
I don't care if it is socially wrong. As long as it is not morally wrong, I kind of insist on doing what I want for myself.

If I have to run away for a while, I will. If I have to meditate for hours, let it be.
It's my say.

7.22pm, Sunday !

2009-06-07T04:07:00.000-07:00

VJC Mega Performance is history.

AND the guitarist playing live for our mass dance songs yesterday screwed up.

And so SC dancers screwed up. -.-

Oh man! We felt so bad....so some of us headed to Macs to indulge in

food. hah. We had trained so hard for mega performance, sacrificing hours of

our own leisure and work to put up a good show....

According to Thomas our senior who was being nicer over msn,

we should be proud of ourselves.

Thanks, that was sweet....

haix. To liven the mood, I found my missing handphone today!!! :D

Pretty dumb actually. I found it clammed in between my Econs notes in my bag.

like...what??! Lolx. XD Glad I found it anyway.

I CAN'T survive without a handphone, to exaggerate the sacrifice. haha.

It's like the very air I breathe. :) :) But anyway, I would have discovered it earlier...

if only I had been studying for the past few days....Then I would have taken my Econs

file out...and... I would have found MY handphone a long while ago...sighs.

Today, I went up to my aunt's place, which is just four storeys above mine to bake

Apple crumble, make a cheese cake and learn how to cook fried rice. :) :D

Yay! I'm finally a more qualified cook. Whoohoo! :) :)

My aunt was so nice and sweet, but she made me do 'theory'. :(

Meaning: I had to write down the recipe on paper and learn it. X(

hahz. In two weeks time, I'm going up to learn how to cook baked potato with bacon.

Sounds yummy. :)

yeah.

I'll be going off for LOUD camp at St Hilda's primary for three days tomorrow.

The catch? I know practically nothing about it except that it's City Harvest's Church's

camp. I don't even have the itinerary or know the exact time the camp ends on

Wednesday. Weird right? lolx.

Well, my senior Diana Teo convinced me to attend the camp when I'm not part of the

church. That's why. So I am just heading off to the camp expecting fun and not

being able to think or know much else about it. hah. It's fun to make new friends

there and mingle about, though. :)

Cross my fingers. Night! Going to have dinner.

Then there's Incredible tales, Harper's Island and Blade tonight. Yay! I'm real

elated about the exciting shows coming up this evening actually. :)

What beats watching great shows on TV when you're downright bored!

! !

2009-06-05T22:43:00.001-07:00

I always tell myself, that I won't HIDE all my misery when in public when I have gotten past my
line of work or duty.

Like how I'm SO going to purposely segregate myself from the 'high' side and fun talk once I'm done with the upcoming performance.

But, no.
NO, no.

It never happens.

When one duty is done, another pops up.

I almost NEVER get to unleash my inner demons. Sobs. ><

Even during school holidays, it's never a break for me. Never.

God help me. ><

I want to cry. Please let me. Because if it helps for a while,

then just let me cry all I want.

I hate this agony. I hate this suppression. I hate this lack of freedom.

I WANT my liberation. Now.

Now, now.

I want to be NEW again. Totally new. So that I wouldn't even be able to recognise
my old self next time, in the future.

Make me whole and new again. I don't want to see the same person when I look at the mirror; my reflection.

Bring me back to you and my very essence. Unblemished. Untouched.
With no trace of any ill intentions or feelings.

With just peace in my heart and soul. And love so pure, none can compare.

Jesus help me. My tears are yours to keep. My heart shall never bleed again.

If I am yours.

2009-06-05T22:26:00.000-07:00

There's this little Miss ChatterBox keychain hanging on my bag.
I guess this represents my 'naturally' talkative and expressive side. :)

I can be pretty vocal and on high spirits, but not now.

I can go suppress myself in agony now. I feel so down..

What do you do when you 'hate' someone for doing/saying stuff you detest, yet you
are compelled to face and interact with the person no matter how much you avoid it?
It stinks. Like..Totally. ><,

What if you felt lousy about yourself on a particular day and yet you are compelled
again to act all confident and happy and even 'high' and wild in front of your peers?
It sucks.

What if you feel so couped up inside, yet you can't express these emotions freely because you have lost your handphone, your best friend isn't having her school hols
yet, and your internet/computer time is being monitored by some "naggy" people?
You'd feel like tearing your insides out. ><

And on top of that, you have this fellow 'sniffing in' on all the things you do at home.
And who maligns you occassionally, because you refuse to talk (you are tired and beyond irritated) to defend yourself. What if you have to see and live with that person everyday, on top of your own problems AND inner demons?

Well, you want to cry now but can't really.

You see, you wil be going out in a while now and you want to appear happy.

Okay, drop the act. I'm tired of it.

So what? You want me to be normal and not PRETEND to be happy and all nice?

Well, fine. That means I'll bitch about you, even to your face, and be really mean to you.
Like that? I bet. And I'll just go on and on about how life sucks and stinks. -.-
And about how hard it is to figure the human race. And about how you freaking are insensitive to my feelings AND the feelings of others.

And how you freaking think you're all that great but aren't. Hah. Okay, you see.

I'm so frustrated within, but I'm not bursting out in you face right now because I still love some of my friends. Love them so much till I can't let them down.
Sobs.

Life is complicated. I want to make things right. But meanwhile, I'll have to swallow up the agony. And because I'm so egoistic, I don't even want to talk to one of those friends who would actually listen to my woes. BECAUSE I don't want to impose on others.

Okay, I'm sorry I consider that friend an outsider. Hah. But that's because...

hah, go figure. Life is tough and complicated. I hope I won't have to say this everyday.

I want to say something happy. :D

For once. :)

The day I lost my handphone for the 2nd time in my life!

2009-06-04T04:25:00.000-07:00

Today is the day I lost my handphone for the second time in my life!

Grr. ><

I really wish to get it back!!

I don't want to lose some of my contacts!

I hate the hassle of having to cancel the handphone plan, getting a new one and buying a new

handphone. Grr. ><

So much trouble for being careless!!

Anyway, I went to school for mass dance practice to prepare for Mega Performance on

saturday. Then some of us went to East Coast Park's Burger King for lunch.

And we talked crap and did weird stuff along the way. Genin, Amanda and I. :D :D

Hahaz. K - KF -KFC! Bur-Burger-BurgerKing!

O-OM-OMG!!! hahaz.

That's how the idea of O-M-G sprouted out.

Amanda was made "O" for no particular reason, because her name doesn't start with "O, M or

G". hahaz. But we soon found an excuse for that. Hah. She's the Openhouse Committee IC for

VJC '09! That's why she's the 'O'. I'm the M. Duh~, because I'm Meng Yee. And Genin's the G.

We're the SISTA-HOOD! hahaz. :D

Then at BurgerKing, we rewuested for the BugerKing paper crown and got it. We played around

with it. :) And we saw a celebrity at BK today!

It's none other than the malay actor in Police and Thief.

Hah. He was having a meal with his wife.

Finally, Genin, Amanda and I plucked up the courage to go request to take a photo with him. :)

hah. He willingly agreed. So the single precious photo should be up on Facebook soon. :)

At Esplanade, the SC dancers and other performers received a special pass to enter the Concert

Hall's backstage. It's pretty cool, really. :)

We were shown into the Hair and Makeup room to leave our belongings aside. Then we

proceeded to the concert hall to watch the alumnis rehearse their singing (Omgosh, they are

cool. :) They sing really well and have stage presence. :) ) while we practised our mass dances

on ground level.

I feel really honoured to be able to perform two dances at the esplanade, on stage, on Saturday!

It' such a prestigious and exciting experience!!

Then we met yet another celebrity! Jasmine Tye, ex-VJC student and Singapore Idol

contestant, chatting with Mr Chan; our beloved principal!

She will be performing with Mr Chan a song item (Xuan Ze by George Lam and Sally Yeh) on

Saturday and was thus there was rehearsal.

Genin, Amanda and I, not wanting to miss a single opportunity to interact and get up close to

celebrities, requested to take a photo with her and Mr Chan. Jasmine seemed so amicable and

congenial. She agreed to our request with a beatific and most-friendly smile.

:) Then the SC dancers were told that we were dismissed already, at a mere 4.15pm.

They hadn't even gotten us to properly rehearse on stage, but as there were time constraints

and they didn't have any time slots to allow us to rehearse on stage for the day,

we were allowed to take our leave.

Amanda and the guys stayed on to watch the rest of the rehearsals. Pretty interesting stuff. :)

Genin and I left for the MRT first, as we didn't want to waste out time away.

Gosh, and I got so immersed in my conversation with her that I actually took the train going in

the reverse direction later! ><

Arrgh. ><

I'm really glad there are more rehearsals at the Esplanade tomorrow. Furthermore, the

rehearsals tomorrow will stretch for pretty long. :)

Great, that means less time to feel bored and while my time away with NOTHING! :)

Grr, and I haven't gotten into the study mood or mode yet, even though Mid-Years are fast

approaching! Arrgh.

A DAY off Meng Yee's life! :)

2009-06-03T06:22:00.000-07:00

Well, today was a weird day.

I turned in at 12am this morning.

You would expect I slept soundly given how busy my day was!

I didn't! I was so excited about mass dance practice that I found myself waking up at

2.30am, not being able to get back to sleep, and getting off my bed at

2.50am, preparing my breakfast (because I was frightfully hungry) at 3am

and staying up after that till 6.30am.

Then I fell back to sleep till 11.30am, and I only awoke because my dear cousin came

to visit!

Ending off the day of a mass dance practice session that was once again a little

awkward (I always feel awkward and it's hard to explain), Amanda and I headed off

for the beach!! (East Coast Park :) :) )

It's a really relaxing place to be in! We bought Caramel Frappe at Mac Cafe, getting a

50 cents price-slash because 'Ama' had the discount card and I also got a pretty

'sinful' Milo McFlurry Ice-cream at Macs, in which I graciously offered Amanda Tan

Yen Teng the first heavenly scoop. Hah. :D

We went off to the "Break-water" area to drink and chat away.

We talked about gossips and concerns under the sun. It was great and therapeutic! :D

Hah. I taked about my issues with people. It was really comforting to hear from 'Ama'

that I'm not alone facing these issues, because she can relate to certain things I say.

Or at the very least, she tries to imagine my feelings and understand my perspectives.

I really got alot of things off my chest and in a fun and laughable way too. Hah.

And after chatting with her and pondering for a while, I am so mighty glad to say I

have realised I do not like any guy in a special way. :) :) I am really glad as this was a

huge issue just hours back. I was confused about my feelings and I thought I liked

many guys at once. Hah.

NO! I don't think so anymore. I'm just being overly sensitive and heightened to such

possibilities.

But I want to have a 'crush' drought for an indefinite time now. Hey, it's cool. :)

Mighty cool. Like I can have as many girl-talks as I want and not waste my time away

worrying and fretting over my feelings for some guys. hah!

Girls rock for now. :D

Kay, I want to have a 'brother'. It's so fun and sweet to have a 'brother'.

hah. :) Diana Teo, my senior just asked if I want to attend City Harvest Church's

LOUD camp. One attraction: Getting to see Diana's wild enthusiastic side for once

and admiring her yellow highlights/hair extensions. It's so COOL! ~

Haha. But it seems no other councillor would be free or would want to attend the

camp. :( Would I have to go alone?

Grr. Plus it clashes with my SLV project, but I can always request leave from the camp

half-way to go do school stuff. Hmmm. I haven't touched my notes for mid-years.

Grr. ;X I am trying to get into the study MOOD first. Grr.

And I still have a 2000-word KI essay to write by August!! I want to complete that

first. Well, it's the most appealing task on hand. That's for certain. To top it off,

I'm really thankful for the whole range of A-Z encyclopedias I have at home which are

a great help for sourcing for information to write for the essay!!

Hmm. I found out something positive!

I realised today that Economics is a social science. And for the KI essay, I have opted

to write up on the methology enquiry of Social Sciences. Which helps me study Econs

better as I would feel more compelled to study it, since it is finally linked to something

I enjoy or have a flair for. Whoohoo! XD

Love KI! And I totally suck at Literature now. I can totally not use bombastic words to

verbalise the essence of poems or written forms of Art for now, but I'm sure I'll grasp

those skills with time. I just have to buck up and do some smart studying.

Never study hard. I can't do that anyway!!

I shall study SMART then! :D :D

Go girl!

Tick tock...the ticking time bomb.

2009-06-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

I am a ticking time bomb.

Tick tock tick tock.

I don't want to explode. Trust me.

When I do, we all die. ><

But you are pushing me.

Help. I am living with 'monsters'. Naggy, insensitive, uncompromising monsters.

My friends are great. :) Well, most of them anyway.

But...but the monsters are horrible. ><

They restrict my expenses, my leisure, seemingly my everything.

They can't keep me because I am too expensive to keep.

So get off me. Let me live my life.

Monsters. ><

I really don't want to hate you..

Trust me.

I just want you to get OUT of my life. Freaking monsters.

Get OUT! ><

2009-05-31T22:07:00.000-07:00

Hah. So much for boredom.

I watched "Incredible Tales", "Harper's Island" and "Blade" consecutively on CH 5 last night. -.-
And talked rubbish to chun on the phone.

And went to bed not wanting to sleep either. Life is getting so boring and melancholic.
Arrgh. ><

Lol.
I even went to bored.com to explore new territory. Hah!

And typed out my story on Notepad.

And cooked. And ate.

Okay, I'm not placing events in chronological order, but you get the gist of my boredom.
And I'm practically staring into space.

And I want to go to my Aunt's house to learn how to make apple crumble later.

But I'm too lazy to take the lift up 4 storeys.
I'm such a sloth.
Haiz...

I'm rotting away down here.
Great. -.-

I like it that way! ~

2009-05-30T06:30:00.000-07:00

(**** **** must not read this!!)

Dear _ _ _ _ ***,

I know you're not reading this right now. You can't possibly, because you don't have access to this blog.

But this is a tribute to you, dear friend.

I am sorry for all the embarrassment I have caused you and the discomfort too over
our matter. Not exactly our matter, but mine. But it complicates you too.

I'm so sorry.

I wouldn't have done it any other way, actually.

I had to tell you I like you. Because I do, in all honesty.
You keep saying you're horrible. You're not. I was.

hahx. So much for troubling you, poor friend.

But you're so nice!
You said you wanted to be friends and that I'm nice :) even though
you didn't want us to go that way.
I could tell you were upset if this friendship had to end just because of
my confession.

Dear friend,
I'm so mighty glad we're friends. You're so sincere, caring and
naive yet sensible that I have to laugh at you sometimes.
As for the youtube videos you shared with me,
HAHx.
So lame. -.-"
But that's SO you. X)

Dear friend,
there is a tinge of loss and disappointment. Sadness, yes.
But trust me when I say this.
I wouldn't have liked it to end any other way.
I don't wish to be any thing other than friends with you.
You're so sweet, approachable and 'blur'
that I'd reproach myself if I was with you in a relationship.
I don't even want to think of that.
You're my FRIEND. :)
And I like you, as I like every other close and good friend of mine. :) :)

If I could change something,
I wouldn't.
Not with you, anyway.
I just wanted you to know. That's all.

I'm over feeling that way about you. :)
Thank you, dear friend!

With love,
Meng Yee

M.Y life all over again~! :)

2009-05-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

I am upset.

I like being the centre of the universe.

It doesn't hurt that much to realise I'm not.

It does hurt, however, to experience NOT being in the centre of attention.

I usually speak alot. :) Jest alot and joke alot too. ;)

My words can be intellectual or absurd; doesn't really matter.

My relatives always listen. My elder cousin does.

Today it's different. They have a hot topic to speak of. I feel left out and dejected.

That's not the way to feel! :( I should grow used to taking turns and not

have to feel upset about givin way to others to step out again. This is an

essential of social etiquette. Now learn!

I wrote a poem. I study Literature. i think the poem is rather raw and still needs

to be refined. But I want to type it out on screen first.

So here goes:

Title: Curious Ignorance

Dear Know-it-all
who tested the wrath of thy father
ventured beyond blessed zone
claimed possession of valuable mysteries
and confiscated fantasies
surfaced from oblivion, you call it
hid thy face from warnings of dictated destruction
Now the veil is lifted
You explore your truth
And it does seek you
so damning is the uncovered

Risen above 'naivety'
Tasted wealth of the knowledge tree
Awarded wonders, fame and name
servng purpose of bliss
married the world; charming majesty
"Till death do us part";
Knowledge and glee

When the world ceases
likewise thy treasures
Demand you to suffer
Follow to the ashes
Yet inanimate, they escape
Wrath's eternal pursuit
Yet you, as time recalls
and knowledge therefore for nought,
are trapped in the game you commanded
and understood oh-so-well

So payment seeks
Darkness revisits
Forever.

(My respect is to anyone who can give a critical appreciation of this poem I wrote.
Hahaz. :D)

I finished watching "23 minutes in hell", all 8 parts of it, on youtube today.

I'm glad. I am without excuse after watching the video.

It's horrifying and real to think of hell now. :X

Pray for me. And yourselves.

Woots! ~ anywayx, likely going to attend City Harvest service Sunday morning (tomorrow). And visiting Grandmother too.

Can someone please suggest how I can help her turn to God?

We don't communicate very expertly. She speaks dialect and mandarin.
I speak mostly English.
And she's partially death and totally loyal to Tao-ism.

If you can help, do tell me! :) :)

Nature's REBEL :X

2009-05-11T04:51:00.000-07:00

Nature's Rebel:

By nature, I have been a rebel. And I'm unafraid to say it. Because this is my blog.

I have been a rebel since young. When Dad wanted to cane me because I was mischievous/disobedient for reasons I have forgotten, I ran round the dining room table and tried despereately to escape a beating. The marble table still exists. It is large and oval, a perfect deterent for a beating. :)

When I was in pre-school, I remember making my teacher go nuts when I refused to spit out a sweet I had been chewing on in class. She made me cry in front of my whole class before I finally relented. :X
I think I knew what dignity was then. I didn't want to lose it, so i refused to give in to her initially.
:X

In primary school, in order not to conform to societal norms, I hated the popular/ gossipy people. Obviously, I thought. Weren't they the ones who caused such misery to some of my classmates? By outcasting them? I was stereo-typing them. I didn't realise it then. I was wrong.

In secondary school, when everyone went through teenage angst that was barely visible, I went through hell.
When teenagers rebelled, I rebelled the most > internally anyway.
I skipped lessons uncountable times that the teachers noticed. hahaz.
I skipped school more times than my parents knew, because I would go off somewhere else to spend the day. But I was timid/cowardly, I guess. Guess where I went to hide in once?
The toilet! At simei mrt. Silly right?
There was a croackroach in there, yet I forced myself to stay on in there for at least 5 to 6 hours!!!
Sad, you'd probably say!

I bet the discipline mistress hated me in secondary school! I can bet that I was the most frequently late student at school in my Sec 4 year!! I was late on average twice a week. I would be made to run around the parade square twice in the morning as a punishment!!! ><

But obviously, okay maybe not obvious to you, I tried as best as I could to mask the frustration there was within me to give my most angelic face ever!!
hahax. I seriously hated the school counsellor who tried to talk to me and be nice to me.

I remember hating his face and his voice and almost everything about him.

:P :P Sorry..

In secondary two I think, I screamed themost in my teenage life!!~
I would sream like some insane freak in my home and demand that my mum bring me to Woodbridge or some other mental hospital. I wanted to be locked away in a nut-case institution.
I wanted to feel I was hopeless! That was a relief to my pain I guess, an easy way out.

I mean if I was made to feel hopeless, maybe I could drop out of school (I HATED school!!) and marry young and have my idyllic life come true?

Maybe I could go for the plastic surgery I wanted (I'm extremely vain, not forgetting I suffer from BDD :P) or you know, something like that.
hahaz. I was frustrated beyong measure and I kinda felt like making everyone get a taste of my agony by pushing them to the point of exasperation too.
I was damn difficult!!

In secondary two, I ran across the road madly, hoping some random driver would knock me down and I would be able to die. :) :) That was my fantasy then. Can you believe it?? hahaz.
But unfortunately, that never happened. Unfortunately for me anyway.
I would go to bed praying desperately to God to let me be freed from my misery, either through prospering me by giving me what I wanted or letting me die in my sleep. There was absolutely no in-betweens for me. I was obssessed with the black and whites of life. I needed absolutes.

Best case scenario OR death.
It sounded perfectly logical to me. It WAS logic.

In secondary four, I finally mustered the courage to abandon home (only for a day though).
I stayed over at Xing Hua's house. Her parents were supremely kind and understanding to accomodate me for a night. :) :)
In secondary four, I faked my own death. I gather my mum and elder sister actually believed I had died. It didn't last long though.
However insane I was, I wouldn't have had the heart to shatter their hearts for so long. :P :P

I am a rebel because I question life: too much so sometimes.
But I am not one to conform to norms. Sure, I can abide by it, but I may never agree with it.
Never.

Sometimes I feel I am dangerous. There is truth in this. But it is also a lie.

I have a potentially criminal mind. I know that because I actually thought through my plots before I attempted writing criminal and cannibalistic stories! Yet I can use this in a good way.

I want to join the Intelligence force in the future. In order to crack down on criminals, you first have to have an inkling on what runs through their minds.
It's sick, I know. Damn! :X :X

Yet I am vulnerable. Because sometimes I am susceptible to my thoughts too, when they aren't right. :X :X

...

Current Issues:

-I do not trust my maid. She seems sadistic or at least selfish many times. She appears as though she enjoys watching me suffer. How wrong does that sound?

-I get annoyed by my mum and elder sister. Yet I do not want to be rude to them. I often ignore them when they annoy me. :X :X

-I am often hypocritical, many times not intentionally. I feel I have a good image to uphold, to account to my family, friends and people I am responsible for.

-I act differently in front of people I like, I think.

Life is complicated!

2009-04-22T17:43:00.000-07:00

(Even if this blog is long dead, and no one reads my posts but ...)

This is incredulous.

I didn't sleep a wink last night.

I stayed up watching some TV programmes from 1 plus am till 5 plus am.

I watched Mr Bean and this other hong kong show and 'Beauty Legends'.

I'm shocked. I didn't sleep! How did I do that?

Hmm.. perhaps it was the caffeine from the tea I drank.. at like 1 plus?

Where was my discipline? Gone. ><

I'm thoroughly surprised. I'm like the laziest person I personally know. hahaz. XD

Okay, maybe NOT. But...haix.

Right now the drowsy effects are starting to set in. Drats. *yawns*

I went for morning prayer meeting today. The sharing by this JC1 choir guy was good.

He should go become a pastor. :)

Lesson learnt today:

In verse John 3:16 (For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.),

'believes' does not only refer to the recognition of God's existence (Even Satan

recognises the existence of God and the demons shudder at His name!),

but 'believes' refers to trusting in and being committed unto. :)

I am dozing off in the school computer lab now... *yawns again*.

I should go sleep in the library! How conducive. :)

2009-04-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

I like him but he doesn't like me.

Simple.

Shucks! ><

Shucks~!

Screw up.

2009-04-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

This blog was created when I was still a wilful, childish, superficial,

whiney, depressed, lonely, wild, crazy, rebellious creature I think..

My goodness..

It's been a loooong time since I pon-ed school in secondary,

a long time since I hated my discipline mistress,

a long time since I made someone cry (I hope),

a long time since I tried to be run down by that car on the road (although

unsuccessfully since the driver just honked at me),

a long time since I wished I could just be kidnapped and (I don't know..),

a long time since I slept over at my friend's house in rebellion and angst

:(, a long time since I counted my teeth in the mirror (OCD),

a long time since I though how lovely it'd be to jump off that tall building.

Shucks. That was horrendous! ><

A long time since I thought of murdering that enemy (there were loads),

a long time since I held a knife (I realise...oops),

a long time since I cooked (I LOVE cooking),

a long time since I majorly freaked that basketball guy out (shucks),

a long time since I was rude to a stranger,

a long time since I majorly criticised someone (I hope again),

a long time since I clearly cursed and swore,

a long time since I severely hated school (shucks!),

a long time since I cried in front of my family doctor hysterically,

a long time since I ran away from the cane as a small kid,

a long time since I had embraced the thought of teenage pregnancy (yucks!),

a long time since many sucky sucky* things.

A long long long long time.

2009-04-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

This is a blog habouring all my sad emotions. Emotions I can't express to just anyone

face-to-face. Sure. I've told Si Hui jie, my beloved cell group leader my troubles in person.

Sure, she knows many of my darkest secrets, weaknesses in me I don't dare to admit.

I'm afraid to admit my imperfections. Because I'm afraid he won't like me?

Because I'm afraid they won't like me?

I'm so afraid. So afraid. I'm afraid because I'm superficial/materialistic-I didn't dare admit.

I want friends. I want him to like me.

Because...because...

I don't know. Maybe there won't be any other guy I like already?

Not possible. Okay, but maybe.... there won't be time.

The world is ending, isn't it?

I mean, it is ending. Revelations. Economic Crisis.

I don't know when.

I don't know how.

It is ending. And I'm afraid I don't have time to say many things I want to say,

do many things I want to do,

accomplish many things I want to accomplish.

I'm afraid.

I admit, because I cling on so dearly to worldly wants and possessions,

I have so much to lose.

So MUCH to lose.

SO much to lose. I can't bear to lose them.

My heart broke today, when I realised I didn't achieve what I had set out to achieve.

My one dream since... 3 months ago?

I'm writing this because I can't bottle the emotions up in myself.

Si Hui jie knows them. Even some other friends know them. Still..

I'm so immature. Childish.

I'm so weak.

I have to grow up.

2009-02-23T22:26:00.000-08:00

Voices in my head:
I don't lie in my blog.

Yes you do!

NOoo..

Yes, you do. Come one. Admit it.

Fine! I do. Sometimes. Just sometimes..

It's not really lying you know. It's more like partial concealment. But that actually defeats the purpose of blogging, doesn't it?

i LIKE PUBLICITY. sO I SHOULD HAVE A BLOG.

aT THE SAME TIME, PRIVACY IS CRUCIAL TO REVEAL MY TRUEST INNERMOST FEELINGS.

Fine. I'm contradictory.
So... what can you do? Huh?!

Uurgh! > (

Current emotion: Depressed.

It's not a nice feeling, you know?
It sucks. Damn!

I hate/abhor/loathe feeling depressed.

There are many things running through my mind right now.

Can I make it?

If I can't, will I break like a rubber band?

Who will give me the strength I don't have?

Clearly many people see my strengths. They DON'T see my weakness.

Unless i admit it to them.

I am SO weak.

And now I think, and I take comfort in.." God's strength is made perfect in our weakness."

Damn! I feel so down. >( Why?
Because I am lost.

Simply because I am lost.

I don't know where to go, what direction to take, how I should react to people, to things.

Maybe I should really learn to love more.

Despite having learnt to love a lot, I have a whole way to go.

I NEED to love my peers, my enemies. Then can I communicate effectively with them, forgive them, cherish them, and spare myself the agony.

Where's your love Evanthe?

Because when the darkness looms over you, you are blinded. All you see is the misery and the diffulty and the cruelties of this life.

But you forget.

You forget that all that matters is that you have God.

And you have them.

You friends, your family, your peers.

And the strength that is in you.

The strength that God can provide you.

I am fighting a battle, I know.

I have fought it for so long, since secondary one.

And I am not dead.
Mentally or physically.

In fact I believe I grew stronger.

For that alone I am happy, contented and pleased.

And I know I love my God. :D :D :D

And for that I'm at peace and glad.

I will be strong.

Even when I falter, I'll pick myself up.

I love the people around me.

I will strive.
I'll do my best.

And leave the rest to God.

The things I can't change, I'll pray about.

The things I can,

I'll pray about too.

And I know I shall survive. :) :)

It's a promise from God to me, from me to myself that I'm quietly firm

and certain about.

From time to time I doubt it.

But I know that I shall survive.

Because i have asked. So I shall receive.

In His own time, I believe.

Amen.

2009-02-14T01:09:00.000-08:00

Mood today: Cranky

I think i have a heart burn.

I've been stressing myself out alot lately.

I pray with all my heart, mind and strength that this doesn't go on.

Went to church today, but couldn't attend Valentine's event.

Reason: My heart burn's 'killing me'.

It CAN be fatal, so I have to rest well.

Physically, my heart hurts. Ouch!

I attended church youth service today and had cell group meeting

before that.

Today, I realised how much I love my church. :D :D

Today, I realised I LOVE God. I had never learnt to love Him before.

But it's when I'm crestfallen or upset or ill or thoroughly

disappointed that I know He's there for me.

Whenever. Wherever.

I love Liyana, Vino and all my great pals SO much too. You people rock my world! :)

Sihui jie rocks too, even though she can be so sarcastic* and 'act-cute'. :D

Wei Tian rocks. Minhui jie rocks. All these ppl who do what they think is best for me.

Even though they don't top my list of great loves, they're really great friends to have.

Even though we don't talk much, they lend me a listening ear and helping hand

when they can.

Eugene from church rocks. Ling Ting rocks too. Thanks for your V-day present. :)

It's So sweeeet of you. <3

Eunice Loy, you rock too. Just because you're always with a mega-watt smile.

A smile can be disarming. It is my armour.

Nope. God is my shield!

We sang "I offer my life", "Amazing Grace", "How could I live without you?" and

"Amazing love" in church today. Love these meaningful songs so damn much!

I love Rachel Lim and Cheryl Mun and all the nice cell group members I have,

who are simply lovely and sweet and kind.

Today I think alot. I think alot everyday, actually.

That's why I'm labelled 'inquisitive', on top of being 'sweet'. haha.

I'm SO damn tired today. I can just collaspe and be in coma for a week.

I welcome that. :) I'm SOoooooo tired.

Help.

God, please let your blessings and mercy befall my family and I.

I love God.

I love you people.

Happy Valentines' Day!!! <3>

VJC orientation!!! (first day) :D

2009-02-02T05:06:00.000-08:00

Today was a rather eventful day.

Met up with Vino and Jia Wee from Tampines Primary at Tampines Int. at 7.10am plus plus.

We boarded bus 31 and travelled for super long time to school.

Reached VJC at 8.10am. Oops.

We were supposed to reach there at 8am.

The discipline master was like, "You people are ten minutes late! Hurry in!"

Okay....sorry...

Then I joined the super long queue to pay orientation fees and confirm my identity.

Joined the wrong queue. Arrgh.

Plus I had joined the longest, slowest moving queue. Arrgh.

Went to the right queue. Met my OGL (Wan Xwen) who was super friendly. :D

We have four OGLs in each group. My goodness! And I think there were

250 Orientation group leaders in total.

We noticed something weird. The school hall is located on the first floor, not the second..

When Jia Wee, Vino, Pang Yu Rong and I boarded the bus home today,

Jia Wee came up with a conclusion.

He said, "Because they stomp so much during the cheer, they have to locate the hall on the ground level."

Hahaha. Yes, Victorians are super DUPER enthusiastic and friendly and "play-hard" people.

That's cool, I think.

Met a really nice and smiley and friendly friend in my O.G today.

Her name's Evon. Funny: Her back view reminds me of Ka Hwee.

And her front view reminds me of Jenna Lim Ying, that choir girl from AHS.

There was Stella, Jai, Amelia and some other guys too.

My four OGLs are Wan Xwen, Zhi Yang, Julynn and Jiang Han.

Super nice people, I think. :)

I hope school will continue to be this fun. :) :)

Plus the school's principal is rather roundish and likable. A plus point.

I joined the Knowledge and Inquiry test today to see if I can enter that subject course.

I really like it.

It asks really DUMB but interesting questions.

But when I came home from school, Mum and elder Sis said to not take up KI.

They said GP (general paper) is tough enough.

Many people did horrifically in KI.

But I LOOOOVE the subject. I think it suits my interests and abilities...

Sighs.*

I hope school continues to score good points with me. :D :D

hahaz.

2009-01-31T21:24:00.000-08:00

I'm too lazy to blog. So... just enjoy the pics. :)

Continuation of random post..

2009-01-31T18:27:00.000-08:00

Okay. I said Kian Yong's house was lovely. Because there was this little door, about a

metre tall, that had a rounded ark-like top. It looked like the little door you see in

'The Parent Trap' or 'Harry Potter'.

How cool is that? XD

And we looked through some of his childhood photos, on Wei Tian's

request. Then played a really silly but fun game.

You have a sticker pasted on your forehead.

There is a word or phrase written on it which you're not supposed to see.

The rest will try to make you say the word, so you will have to guess the word...

And NOT say it.

Or else you'll lose the game.

I didn't lose the game. :D

Hahaha. Because I guessed the phrase on time. :D :D

Then we went to Celeste Tan's house.

Her house was super crowded. It was like a party or something.

There was catered food and drinks, and 'Ask' cell just hung around the outside of her

house eating and chatting away.

Then we went up to her bedroom and played a quick round of 'Taboo'.

Then we went home, for it was late already. And a couple of people had other

appointments or events to attend.

School starts tomorrow!!!

The reality's starting to hit me!

I'm to report to VJC concourse tomorrow at 8am!!!

Orientation's lasting for a week, I think.

My orientation group leader phoned yesterday.

He said to bring fifty bucks, report book, results slip,

P.E attire...blah...

I'm beginning to feel nervous.....

I wish holidays could just stretch the whole of my life!

Arrgh.

I'm not optimistic about school.

Have to go pray...

Random post (So like me!!!) XD

2009-01-31T05:10:00.000-08:00

I KNOW who you are: 'Jacob Black'!

In fact I think you're my 'enemy'.

Sorry. I don't have any enemies, actually, but I just fell out with you.

STOP wasting space on my tag board!!! =X =X

I'd deeply appreciate it if you just whiled your time away tagging your own blog.

=p LAME! (L)

(psst. I'm usually a nice person. I DON'T like being mean. But you just seem so

annoying?)

Yes. You only tagged twice. But that's annoying enough! Blah!

PHOTO DROUGHT... :'( !!!

My blog is suffering from a photo drought.

Help!!! LOL.

Because P.S has not sent me the photos taken during the Chinese New Year

visitation! Hmph...

I'm writing this because I know you don't read my blog. Haha.

I've sent him my email address. And I'm waiting for the photos....!

Blah.

'Ask' cell group's Chinese New Year visitation!

Today I attended youth service at All Saints Church. I'm trying to be a more

faithful Christian. I was late for service, but I am still proud of myself. I went over to

church from Chao Chu Kang!!! Where's that?

Someplace in the far west! And All Saints is like... in Tanah Merah?

All the way in the east.

So, anw, went to two houses for visitation today.

Kian Yong's house, which was lovely...

(to be continued...., because my sis wants to use com...)

Arrgh.

Things I want you to know about me!!!

2009-01-30T01:06:00.000-08:00

About me! :D Me, me and me.

I was getting super bored, and being so self-absorbed, I gathered I should come up with a post that says all about me.

Haha.

Okay, not ALL about me. Only the bits I want you to know about.
:D :D

1) I ABSOLUTELY LOVE American Idol! Look out for the class monitor called "Austin". I think. He's just extremely likable. I'm a fan of the blonde-haired 17 year old girl who lost both parents too. She rocks.<3

2) I completely abhor and detest and am afraid of BOREDOM. I'd rather crap alot on MSN. :)

3) I think the "Trading Spouses 3" series on Channel 5 is super cool. It's the coolest show ever, even though my Dad finds it boring.

I mean: It's the only time you get to see true family life in America with all the vulgarities and uncouth behaviour!
Which to me is interesting. :)

4) I mostly live in my own world of fantasy. :)

5) I believe I love ME. <3>

6) The future careers that I would like to have include:

Acting, Singing, Writing, Crime Scene Investigation, Journalism, Undercover spying, solving crimes and mysteries, working in the Intelligence Force, defending attorney in major crimes, psychology and all things I deem interesting and fun. :)

7) I am the sort who CANNOT work in the civil service as a white-collared worker or be a blue-collared worker. I work best at my own pace and according to my own style and professionalism.

8) I am versatile and adaptable, given that I had a score of '6, 6, 6' for a
"Kinaesthetic, visual or auditory" quiz.

9) I LOVE cooking but HATE baking. As in HATE baking. X( X(

10) I am super DUPER lazy.

11) As of now, I do NOT work hard and play hard.

Rather, I PLAY hard and not work. :D :D hahaz..
So there must be a mistake. I should be posted to TPJC instead of VJC!!!

(jkjk)

12) I am addicted to the computer, to while the time awaaay. Help;X

13) I actually am fond of Simon Cowell! A soft spot for him, rather!

14) I LOVEEEEE English with my heart.

15) I am also known as Evanthe Jola Lee Qi Yu.

16) In my world of fantasy, i married a guy with the surname "Lee".

I like that surname because it's common and sounds lovely. Don't you

think? Ahahaha.

17) I like romantic and SWEET guys. :D ;)

18) Funnily, a quiz I did shows that I tend to attract "free-spirited" ppl.

LOL.

19) I can be really nice and sweet OR mean. =X =X

I try NOT to be mean.

20) I DON'T like people to be aloof.

21) I am a naturally talkative person, although this facet of me got suppressed. X( X(

22) I can be rather impulsive OR super restrained.

23) I am one who depends alot on my mood. :D

24) I don't ever seem to feel neutral :/

It's either :D HAPPY or SAD :(

25) I am writing a story called "Dreamland".

Suits me! :D :D

26) I can almost NEVER grow fat, NO matter how much I eat.

27) My appetite isn't very big too. :(

28) I can eat pretty fast. 5 minutes for dinner. Is that a record?

29) I have a hyperactive mind.

30) I simply CAN'T summarise!!!

31) I DETEST Chinese, mandarin and any cheena stuff. Sorrrrry...

32) I love Christmas!!! :D

33) I am a child of God!! How cool, huh?

34) I want to be a spiritually better person. :D XD

35) I HATE threatrical productions. It beats me why I joined English Drama
Club!!!

36) I am the sort who believes alot in myself. I don't care how many times

I fail A-math. I would still believe I'll get A1 for O'levels. As in, truly

believe. :) (with the exception of Higher Chinese...) :p

37) I am perfectionistic.

38) I am sensitive.

38) I can be super wild. XD

39) My heart IS fragile!

40) I have survived many obstacles. That means I'm AMAZING. :D :D

And I can do ANYTHING!

41) I DO NOT BELIEVE IN ONE-SIDED LOVE. :x :x
meaning: If you don't like me, I shan't like you.

No Matter What! :D (psst. in BGR circumstance only)

42) I have a tendency to like and pity and help seemingly bad people.

43) I am a HUGE fan of the Twilight series! I mean, seriously, the book
shatters my heart. Urgh!

44) I am rather random, like as of now. :)

45) I think I'm so cool. Muahahahahaz.

46) Who am I? I'm Meng Yee! :D :D

Sweet <3 (super super sweet!)

2009-01-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

Actual time: 12.07pm

Yesterday, I met up with some primary school friends to go visit each other's

houses as is the Chinese New Year tradition. Actually, they didn't get to visit my

house. haha. Because I gave the "my house is very messy" excuse and refused

to let them come, despite much persuasion.

There was lots of drama yesterday. Gerald's 12-year-old dog was tame, but pretty

terrifying to me too. I actually stroked it's head and back after getting 'used' to its

presence. How daring of me. :D

Poh Sia's brother's crab that apparently could climb up to the ceiling.

Yu Rong's extremely hyperactive dog, "Hero", who scared the hell out of me.

Luckily, she was kind enough to 'lock it away' in the balcony, before I was in hysterics.

:D lol.

And we played a great deal with her 18 hamsters. She had EIGHTEEN hamsters.

Gosh. 30 fishes and one dog.

My nightmare house lorhz. (I'm scared of animals!!!)

Terie was around too, but she had to leave for home pretty early.

We played lots and lots of the game "Bridge".

Played Slap Jack too, which was rather fun, and "heart attack".

Then we sang karaoke and I went home at 7.30pm, feeling pretty exhausted and

drained.

Then I tagged Joanne Chen's blog. (another pri sch friend).

I think her blog's super super SWEET <3,minus the vulgarities and

"cam-whore" bit. haha. Plus she's a fan of the Twilight series too! :D :D

blah. I LOVE it.

Her blog address is http://www.ilovejus.blogspot.com/.
It's a super power-packed blog, so expect some hanging on your computer.

haha.

Her boyfriend's blog address is http://www.ilovejoa.blogspot.com/. (His name is Justin,

I think)

It's super super damn SWEET of them to have blog addresses after their other

half's name. Gosh. I really can't say if Edward+Bella is more sweet or if

Justin+Joanne is sweeter. They are THAT sweet together. But have to buck up on

their studies...

Omg, and they had a professional photoshoot together. How COOL is that?

I think that's 'ten to the power of a zillion' cool!!!

Anyway, I hope to get photos of the Chinese New Year visitations taken

with my primary school friends soon. Meeting more of them on Saturday.

How cool is that? We're STILL in touch. Freaking cool right? Like.. touching ice.

I had a really really strange and sweet dream last night.

It's super sweet and bizarre too. Like it didn't really make sense.

I took part in a 'sweet-making' competition at a other-worldly looking school

and had my sweet creation in the running for "best sweet making".

And then an actor confessed he liked me.

When I woke up, I was like "huh?"

I never liked that actor, NEVER found him sweet, never even thought much about

him before. Plus he has a girlfriend!!! Ahahahahaha. *grins sheepishly*

I felt all princessy when I woke up from my dream.

What's wrong with me???

Lol.

Must have been Joanne's blog and all!!! :D :D

2009-01-26T02:34:00.000-08:00

Actual time: 6.50pm!

I went to my maternal granny's place today to celebrate Chinese New Year,

as is the annual affair.

I wore pink, which is the colour I often wear nowadays. Don't ask me why.

You should see my wardrobe. I used to wear orange very often in the past.

Anyway, I like bright colours. :D :D

I received many hongbaos today, plus I lost one which contained

a hundred bucks. Don't cry for me. I'm not crying.

Plus my mum didn't make a big hooha out of it. Yepx.

Money's NOT what makes the world go round.

The food today was tasty as always.

We had steamboat, duck, curry chicken, white chicken, and ginko nut desert.

Anyway, my family's very own reunion dinner last night wasn't very tasty. :P

I screwed up the fried chicken and steamed one too. =X

Sobs. But my parents didn't blame me. Kind folks.:)

Tomorrow we're having reunion dinner with my paternal relatives at my house.

Sorry, I meant reunion lunch! Yes, reunion lunch.

I shan't be cooking!!!

I watched this movie on channel 5 this afternoon, called "Catch me if you can."

It was extremely brilliant and heartbreaking. It made me want to cry.

Anyway, it's based on a true story.

This guy called Frank was super intelligent at fraud and forgery.

He eluded from the law many times.

Then he was sentenced to 12 years in prison.

But he was let out to work for the intelligence force to crack fraud and forgery cases

because of his high intellect and thinking abilities.

He made millions of dollars.

But anyway, he lost the woman he wanted to marry and loved to another guy.

And she had already had a four-year-old daughter when he found out about it.

It was so heartbreaking, I swear my heart 'bled'.

I just have this tendency to sympathise with pathological criminals.

Don't know why too.

I think I have a criminal mind.

Seriously. X)

But I shan't use it. Lol.

I will use my intellect wisely.

Happy Chinese Niu Year!!! *moo*

2009-01-24T19:36:00.000-08:00

I hate spring cleaning!!!

I'm a 'sloth'... blah.

2009-01-23T21:01:00.000-08:00

Because I had to wait so long,

I don't feel like talking anymore.

Not anymore.

I'm starting to dislike you Anderson.

Which is great. :D :D

Dinner with 4C-tians!

2009-01-23T05:31:00.000-08:00

Haha, I was just complaining in my previous post that I was too lazy to go

for class 4C's gathering at 85 market.

Guess what?

It's 9.32pm and I'm back home!!!

Yeah. :D :D

How was dinner?

Fun. lol.

I reached 85 market 5-7 minutes late, which is very uncharacteristic of me.

I'm an early bird, since.... some months ago. haha. Discount the fact that

I was always late for school and had to face the discipline mistress's gloomy

expression. Sorry... :p

Erm..So anyway, Meixuan, Audrey Leong, Lok Yiu, Tsz Sum and Lim Chong Kai

Kenny were there when I reached.

I was still earlier than a bunch of guys. :)

And I reached at the same time as Jemimah Wei and Frederick Sia.

Mei Xuan, Jemimah, Lok Yiu and Audrey were basically getting frustrated that the

guys from our class were late... Again.

As in... Again.

So both the choir girls phoned the guys and demanded they made their way to

our meeting place in like...ten minutes? haha. If not, they owed us drinks.

Which Derrick did buy for everyone when he and Mendel and Aziel and Christianto

finally arrived. That was sweet, and they were promptly forgiven. :)

Wait. Tze Chun Kit was there too. Yup. And I think Brendan Lim arrived when the

skies were black and we had already ordered our food, finished eating...

and basically, you know what I mean.

I think he was one and a half hours to two hours late.

Imagine!

The girls (including me) ate minced pork noodles. Only Jem ate porridge, which

looked pretty tasty too.

The guys, with their gargantuan appetites, ate another course of meal after dinner.

Some even contemplated a third course.

Man, how do they do it??

Then we arranged to bai nian on 7th February. (visit each other's houses)

Okay, so Chinese New Year lasts fifteen days.

I think I'm gonna be real tired. *yawns*

Then Lok Yiu, Mei Xuan and I took bus 17 home. :)

We literally ran to be in time for the bus, with determined Miss Mei Xuan

leading the way. haha.

We reached the bus stop even before bus 17 was near.

Yeah. :D

4C ppl took two photos, courtesy of a china alumni from AHS.

I've forgotten his name.

Anw, I'm waiting for the photos to be posted on Jemimah's blog.

Go see her blog! :)

2009-01-23T00:15:00.000-08:00

The timing shown on my blog's screwed up.

So the real time of this posting is..4.28pm!

Today a dead duck lay on my lap for about an hour as I took the train ride home

from my granny's place. There was some minced pig on my lap too.

Haha. My grandma had cooked lu ya (duck in some dark sauce) and wu xiang

(minced pork rolls??) and I had to go all the way to the west to pick them up from

her. They're for Chinese New Year. It's coming.

Drats..

My dad likes to be mysterious. It doesn't take long to find out. haha.

There had been this huge cardboard box lying in a corner of my living room

for days and I had wondered to myself what could possibly be inside.

The warning label read "FRAGILE!"

Okay, that didn't help much.

So he asked me and my younger sis to guess what was inside today.

My younger sis said "It's a jigsaw puzzle."

Cute.

You know what I said?

I was honest, "I don't know.."

And after much cutting away at the cardboard,

a yellow lantern-like lamp was revealed.

It is pretty and sweet. :)

And then Dad got me to throw the cardboard box downstairs at the dumping area.

WHY me??

*Sighs*.

Guess I was the only "free" person around. haha.

School's starting soon.

I. Can't. Wait.

I wish.*

Oh, class 4C's gathering is later on at 6pm.

Location: 85 market

Event: Dinner

I'm so lazy to go....arrgh.

LOL. :D

2009-01-22T00:15:00.000-08:00

Time: 4.16pm

Yeah. :D

Today to ward off the boredom and pain and all,

and to stop doing silly impulsive things,

out of a bout of spontaneity,

I went out with my friend Liyana. :) :)

We were supposed to meet up on Friday,

But because I couldn't hang in until then,

and we had loads to talk about,

we went out today.

And we didn't know where we were going. haha. :D

We scanned the map of the MRT line and decided to go to Ang Mo Kio.

To watch a movie.

I live in Tampines. She lives in Simei. lol.

That's us. Wild and really fun, I guess.

So anyway, we didn't know what movie to watch too. "Ip Man" was a contention,

though we didn't know what that was. But we decided not to watch it because it was

11am in the morning and the show only started at 3pm at the earliest.

We were like... WHAT???

And there were many M18 shows too. We settled for "Ink heart" in the end.

I was pretty sure it was going to be a boring and totally not-worth-the-money

show. lol. Did you watch the trailers? Boy! I was wrong.

The show rocked.

It's about this book called "Ink heart" that has a magical storyline.

Some people with the so-called silver tongue can allow the story to come to life,

together with its weird and otherworldly characters, by reading the book

out loud.

Cool. I loved the plot, the casting,

the funny and cute guy who resembled Aladdin

and the whole set up.

It was magical - surreal.

Then Liyana and I took a bus to Hougang for lunch.

What for? For fun, duh. haha.

We practically didn't know where we were heading to. We were just in for adventure.

:) Yupx. Plus she said there was a bus from Hougang to Tampines where I lived.

We didn't find the bus eventually.

We shared lunch, which was scrumptious Indian rojak

at Kovan City. Because she had eaten lots of popcorn.

And I had eaten lots of nachos, and we were full.

Where's that? Street 21.

Where's that?

Beats me. In the middle of nowhere. Haha.

I tried looking out for where my friend Jian Qiong stays.

I just remembered she stayed there, but I couldn't find her flat.

So, anyway, Liyana and I wondered off to this 'ulu' sandy place

where there was a rock climbing wall.

And we climbed it.

I was wearing short denim skirt, but I didn't care. haha.

No one around. lols.

We played on some 'tarzan' swinging tires.

Then we walked and walked till I became weary.

Finally, we became tired of exploring the place,

so we came to a bus-stop,

took bus 53 to Pasir Ris and got home from there.

Not before Liyana influenced me to get a bubble tea from

"Each-a-cup" at Eastpoint. I drank peach ice-blended. Pretty fulfilling. :)

Blah! :X I spoilt my "eat-healthily-from-now-on" plan. !!

Kayz, plus Liyana forgot to retreive her unfinished box of popcorn from my bag.

And she said I could eat it.

So here I am, munching on popcorn. Arrgh..

*Crunch*

(photos later. Liyana, you owe me! hehe. :P)

2009-01-21T16:56:00.000-08:00

Time: 8.59am
The lists of LOLs.

Number One:
I ate barbequed pork sandwich for breakfast.
What's that" - you ask.
lol. It's the barbequed pork you eat during Chinese New Year plus bread.

Because I was too lazy to fry an egg this morning.
And too lazy to make a beverage...

And I absolutely CAN'T eat bread with magarine.

That's the most boring breakfast ever.
See?

I'm spoilt. haha.

Number Two:
Thanks Dad for spoiling my biological alarm clock.

It was 8.10am in the morning.

He told me "It's very late already. Get up from bed."

I was like ????? when I went to look at the clock.

I slept at 1 plus am this morning, mind you?

LOL. I think I'm going to be a light sleeper because of you.

Number Three:

I asked my friend Tsz Sum to tell me a lame joke, since he's
known for being lame.

"I'm bored." I said.

So he asked, "How do people become lame?"

I replied, "accident."

He said, "They become lame when others keep 'pulling their legs' ".

Okay....

I didn't find that particularly funny.

So I said, "Can you tell me another lame and funny joke?"

He went, "I don't have any more already."

Then I went, "Now THAT'S funny. Because you're supposed to be lame."

hahaha.

Number Four:
My friend wants to become a monk.

A monk???

Are you sure you can commit?

Then he was like, "I'll get married first, then become a monk."

LOL.

You're funny.

A monk's supposed to remain pure and single.

Omigosh. I'm writing this because I know you're not looking. teeheehee.:)

Number Five:
I laugh for no apparent reason, to myself I mean.
Like giggle, you know. When I'm supposed to cry.
Weird.
Totally weird.
And my friend hyperventilates in place of me.
Sorry, I only get heart palpitations, for your info.

And, by the way, how do you hyperventilate? haha.

Sorry for always being so reckless, doing uncalled-for things
and shocking you.

That's me.

So me.

Sighs.

I want to believe it :)

2009-01-21T08:00:00.001-08:00

I want to believe it.

I don't like you.

I want to believe it.

I don't like you.

I want to believe it.

I'm over you.

Did you hear that?

I'm OVER you.

I want to believe.

I believe I can and will and must be

OVER you.

Gosh, you take up so much space on my blog.

W-O-W. (unimpressed)

I can't sleep!

2009-01-21T07:56:00.000-08:00

This is a tiny ant bite

.

Did you see it? It takes this many ant bites,

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to feel my pain.

2009-01-21T07:52:00.000-08:00

People say a picture paints a thousand words.

I think I'll use exclamation marks then.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my frustration.

Battling my feelings -

One stab in the heart: It alleviates the pain

Two stabs in the heart: It equals the pain

Three stabs in the heart: I can endure more, seriously.

Four stabs in the heart: I'm done.

Did you hear that?

I'm. Done.

2009-01-21T07:45:00.000-08:00

Question of the day:

Does Boredom hurt more or emotional pain hurt more?

God, they both hurt like crazy.

It's 11.50pm at night, and who knows why I'm still up now but myself.

I was like "Dad, I need to use the computer. I CAN'T sleep."

So my dad kindly but reluctantly obliged.

I can't sleep.

I've eaten my anti-stress medicine.

I can't sleep.

Damn.

Liyana, let's go clubbing. (kidding)

Or shopping, though I hate it.

No, I'm just lying to myself.

I just want to stay at home and rot away.

Literally, I need space to think and cry and think and cry.

Like I haven't had enough guilt and self-blame already?

Is it so wrong to do what I do?

No. I don't think so.

Liyana, I love you as my friend. Seriously.

I'm so lost now.

Come take me home.

Bored beyond belief!!!

2009-01-19T21:23:00.000-08:00

I'm getting so bored, I'm feeling guilty.

I'm feeling so bored, I'd might as well get addicted to the internet.

I'm feeling so bored, it hurts to the core.

I'm feeling so bored, I can sleep for more than half of the day and that's

being really kind to my body.

I'm feeling so bored, I'm afraid I'll do something really extreme...

Just to ease the boredom.

I am SO bored.

Has any self-help book taught people how to get out of boredom?

Answer: Not that I know of.

Help... :(

2009-01-19T05:54:00.000-08:00

Today I felt terribly bored.
And so I came up with an excerpt from 'Instincts'.

Hope you like it. :)

“Eat my heart first if you have to,” I stared intently at Lucus.
I was almost on the verge of getting a heart attack, actually.
Lucus Jack Donner might have a different idea though. His dangerous expression looked most attractive too.
To my dis-service, I had a mild fondness for danger. It was also quite bizarre at this point that the danger Lucus posed was alluring; to me,
at least.
I prayed with my heart that my best friend Sephus had taken to my advice and not followed me back to this doomed house. This slaughter house.
“Sephus. If you have common sense, run…away and not look back.”
The words echoed in my mind.
My nerves tensed with anxiety and fear as Lucus advanced towards me, his fangs bared for me to see.
He was also getting into a half-crouched position and I didn’t need intellect to know that this meant he was transforming into a totally different personality. Though still human in body, his mind would be flooded by nothing but the pangs of hunger for the flesh of his very own kind.
Anthropophagy. Just a few months back, I hadn’t been aware of modern-day cannibalism. Cannibals had gone high-tech too.
They had syringes of local anesthesia to to black out strong and muscular prey. I didn’t think Lucus had the intention of administering it to me though. That was being damned merciful. The tribe of cannibals I knew had also invented impairmen guns to immobilise their prey through inflicted pain. I had secretly smuggled one from the armaments’ room as a sort of deterrence from being eaten.
Quite madly, I took out the spray bottle I had with me and sprayed the bottle’s contents onto my arms and legs and over my clothes. It was a mixture of wasabi, olive extract and mushroom juice: the food Lucus had once told me he abhorred.
Lucus wrinkled his nose and appraised me with mild shock, “What’s that Effecia?”
“All the things you hate eating,” I replied honestly, half-stammering too.
He looked like he was shaking with laughter, but the situation was severe.
Very severe, in fact.
A metre and a half away from me was the sixteen-year-old boy who was both a reason I wanted to live but might not for long. He was a cannibal raised by a cannibalistic family, a descendant of the infamous Donner party who became cannibalistic because they were left stranded in the Sierra Nevada area many years ago.
What was unhelpful was that I was uncannily captivated by him and he was about to eat me up. I didn’t have to remind him that the legal age for his tribe’s cannibal to kill was seventeen years. He was about to become a premature murderer. Not that it mattered now to him.
“Why did you return?” Lucus hissed, his brows narrowing.
I tried to prevent my tear glands from watering as I muttered, “I couldn’t leave.”
“You could have saved your life Effecia!”
Was that considered scolding me?
I eyed the sharpened knife in his hand. It was knife for slicing meat.
It was gleaming..
“Is it mealtime yet?” I asked casually, stunning myself even.
“As a matter of fact, yes.”
I lurched backwards.
“You hate wasabi, you know,” I reminded him.
“Maybe the fresh meat can make up for it. I am sick of putrefying flesh.”
“Lucus, look,” I was desperate, “I. Love. You.”
I felt stupid. Could saying that save my life?
I cringed and buried my face in my hands.
I hated to be reminded of the numerous bite marks I had seen on Lucus’s
biceps. The scars he had claimed had been a result of the violent games the cannibals engaged in. Seriously, would I have taken your word for it?
Lucus?
Over and over again you wanted to kill me with your deathly fangs.
Even Sephus.
The man-made razors attached to your gums are the very weapons of a murderer. You sunk your teeth into yourself instead. You tasted your blood and you lied to me.
“Maybe that’s not enough,” I was tearing, “ How could I deny you your nature Lucus?”
At that instant, his fangs reached out for my wrist. I did not withdraw my hand in time. I was rooted with awe and grief.
I heard the sickening gnashing sound of his teeth. I felt the excruciating pain of skin tearing away from my wrist. I felt the sticky warm blood gushing out from my wrist. I saw it flooding my vision.
Instinctively, I fished out the metal device that had been waiting for me in my jacket pocket.
“Bang!”
The impairment gun worked like a miracle.
My heart ached terribly even as I realised that the 1.5 inch long dart had lodged onto Lucus’s shoulder, piercing his skin.
He bawled and withdrew from me in pure agony.
“Thank…you..” he whispered under his laboured breathing, “I’m …s..sorry.”
I’m not sure which emotion overpowered me; pain or sadness as I registered the scene. Just then, something happened that I had been too clouded in my mind to contemplate.
The door to the room was forced open with a shocking “boom” and the towering Rex Trevor Lee appeared. He was followed by Elina and Hazus Stauth. I noticed that Rex’s hands were clenched in fists. I felt the temperature go down by several degrees.
Well, so the tribe’s cannibals had arrived and no one had shown such an aversion towards me as Rex. He was a dominant boy, cool faceted and often having a smoldered frustration towards Lucus. He was second in power to Lucus and very driven to do terrible things, as I could tell.
Furthermore, this boy had murdered more people than I could tell in the underground society where escaped criminals met their horrifying fates of being eaten.
I considered that there were only two more “bullets” in my impairment gun. I imagined taking down Rex and Elina and pray with all my heart that Hazus let me off on sole account that he had been Sephus’s friend when they had been held hostage in Papua New Guinea. I pondered over whether Lucus would help me fend off the three aggressive cannibals.
An absolutely uncalled-for and horrendous thing ensued. Sephus Silverstein broke through the glass window of the house not-too-heroically and raced towards me. His selflessness was characteristically charming, something unnecessary at the moment. A trail of fresh blood coursed down his forearm and he licked it up absent-mindedly. (I did not have to be reminded he was once a cannibal, too.)
“You’re bleeding!” he gasped.
On my left where Rex stood, I heard a soft growl.
“A feast,” he proclaimed.
What happened next is too horrific to describe…

2009-01-17T21:32:00.000-08:00

(Crap.
I'm really tired now...)

Today I went to my Grandma's house to help make pineapple tarts, as I had promised.
I woke up at 6.30am and slept for less than 6 hours.
Firstly because I watched Hannibal last night till 12.30 smth.
Note: It SO wasn't scary or violent when the warning went (VIOlENCE).
Secondly because I was harrassed by the nightmares and heartache I face nowadays.
And I woke up feeling *yawn* tired.

Okay, so anyway, I took the super long train ride to her house.
Because she lives in Lakeside (you might not know where that is, but the name sounds pretty:)),
while I live all the way in the eastern end of the world. hah.
Kay, I should stop complaining.
Because I got to eat many pineapple tarts today that were 'deformed' in shape.
My Grandma's a perfectionistic baker, so to speak.
The pineapple tarts were crumbly, tasty and cloyingly sweet.
So I was kind of dehydrated by the time I reached home.
Anyway, I sourced in the market there (for 1 hour) to find the pineapple paste she asked me to
buy. How was I supposed to find the shop??
And being so angmoh-ish, I couldn't read the chinese shop name well,
and went round the whole market place when it had been so prominent in front of me.
haha. Serves me right for reading the english name of the shop and not knowing
that that was the shop my Grandma had asked me to go to.

Anyway, now that I'm back home, I'm super relieved.
Phew.
My mum had said I would have to make pineapple tarts from morning to night.
But the baking thing ended even before noon.
So I'm extremely elated and grateful. :) :)

My aunt bought me a container of shrimp rolls too because I had told her I liked to eat them.
She had gone to the market to look for me when I wasn't back at my Grandma's house
after having searched for the pineapple paste for so long.
She was really sweet.
Thanks! :D

I
am
NOT
going
to
sleep
late
this
entire
week!!

I have finally decided to end my late-sleep-streak.
Guess what?
I've been sleeping at 1 plus lately, sometimes even 2-plus.
Because if I turn in at 12 plus, and am restless for a whole hour,
that means I'm sleeping really late.
I NEVER suffered from insomnia.
I'm going to take anti-stress pills before I sleep if I have to.
Because being the vainpot I am (hahaha),
I cannot tolerate any creases on my forehead.
Thank YOU very much!
I got temporary creases on my forehead this morning, and I was like
.....
....
Oh.....NO.
I'm not going to destroy my health like that ANYMORE.

Am I getting crappy?
If I am......
Sorry...

Anyway, as my mum had promised,
she bought me uncooked chicken because I got an L1R5 of 8.
Th only difference is she didn't buy me the whole chicken, if not I would have cooked chicken rice.
Instead, she bought me chicken wings.
So I could only fry them.
I learnt my lesson and defrosted the chicken wings pretty early this time round.

And marinated them for a longer period too.

And very importantly, made sure they were well-cooked.

Not half-raw. LOL.

The Verdict?

It was tasty! :D :D :D

kkz, I feel sleepy....
Yawn.

2009-01-15T19:37:00.000-08:00

" You're going to HOLLYWOOD!!!"

Now that's what I love about American Idol. :D

Helping people realise dreams. :)

I watched the American Idol auditions on Wednesday and Thursday nights,
from 10pm to 12am on Channel 5.

Oh my, was the show GREAT!
Hilarious bits where people sang horrendously out of tune.
And some who sang in choking voices.
And others who tended to over-exaggerate when singing.
hahaha.
And those who were seriously unaware they couldn't sing.
I didn't like the harsh comments from the judges though.
How could they be so cruel to those people who already felt so CRUSHED by the
obvious gloomy looks of the four judges?

And there's the new judge - Cara.
Hah!
I remember her name.
I like her too. :)
She's professional and vocal. :D

Hmm... I have to say that Simon Cowell didn't appear so mean this season.
I don't know... but I think I'm quite sensitive in the aspect of "reading" people.
Hey! He was nicer this season.
Like when he knew some of the contestants were quite fragile and all,
he used words like "sweetheart" and "sweetie" to address them.
Simon Cowell, you rock. :D
Seriously.

Omigosh.
And Singapore Idol season 3 is coming up! :)
I'm officially SIXTEEN too.
That means I can sign up for the auditions!!
But that's if the security personnel let me into the audition room.
Lol. Just kidding.
I think I have a 50/50 chance of getting into the final round.
I'm not some disillusioned person.
But I have to get my parents' approval for auditioning too.
Now that's the difficult part..

Haha. There are pros and cons to all things.
If they are going to be so adamant about wanting me to focus on the JC life
I'm going to enter,
and not wanting me to channel my energy into some singing competition,
I should be flattered.
That means they believe I'm going to enter into the second round of auditions.

Lol.

hmm... We'll see. >-

2009-01-14T19:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, I've decided on my official nickname (or English name as I call it).
It's Evanthe Jola, meaning blooming violet flower.

This English name is going to change when I reach 21 years of age.
I'm going to call myself Etoile then, meaning star.

I've read some essays from year 2009 AHS falcon magazine, and they are seriously
tremendously and unbelievably good.
The story "Karin", written by Jacqueline Lee from 3J, was especially well-written.
Unsurprisingly, she won the Commendation Award in a writing competition.
You should go read it, and you might not understand the story completely the first time round.
But it's really great, so it's worth a second read!!

"Reputation" by Lim Wei Chiat from 4B was also jaw-droppingly fantastic.
Okay, so that guy won the High Distinction Award in the Commonwealth Essay writing competition. Damn! I took part in that competition two years ago and didn't win anything.
sighs..

But he's honestly an astoundingly good writer. So, I surrender. But I believe in my writing
talents too. Aha! :D

Regarding my plan for my story "Instincts", Liyana thinks it's grotesque.

But that's what would make the story 'flavourful' and interesting.

I'm writing about cannibals. What do you expect? huh?

Okay, but I can't answer your question about where I got my inspiration from.
That's rather interesting...hmm.

I read on Yahoo.com that some terrorists admitted to planning an attack on Changi Airport.
I'm like...my goodness, they came so close!

Lastly, I want to say that I hope with my heart that I get admitted into VJC.
I so want to be a Victorian.

No matter.

For now. :)

2009-01-13T03:06:00.000-08:00

In case you don't know, and you want to know...

I got L1R5 8 for O'levels.

And I'm planning to go to either VJC or TJC.

I would prefer the former, actually.

But as I can only minus off 3 points from the raw score,

I would have to appeal if I want to get into VJC science stream.

I can make it for the arts stream, but that seems risky.

haix..

Moving on, some pictures with my best friend Liyana...

oopss.

sorry, my computer has a virus..

and I cant even post my photos on my blog..

Shoot!

Gee!

Sighs...

sorryy!!

Life's Complications

2009-01-09T01:21:00.000-08:00

It's true. I was very very very very upset yesterday over some comments.
But I'm over that now. I have understood that comments are just opinions, not necessarily
facts. And I know that they were just opinions, not facts because many others have told me otherwise.

So I feel confident of myself and love myself more than ever. :D
People are entitled to their own opinions, and they don't have to affect me. Because I know what I am, how I am, and who I am. And no one can dictate that or change my opinion of myself. :)
I am currently at peace.
I don't blame anyone for their comments yesterday, because I commit the same deeds as they
do. Anyway, they weren't trying to bring me down or anything.
And if they were, that's up to God to handle. Not me.
So I'm loving myself more than ever!!! :D

Thank you Liyana!

Thank you Liyana for arranging for us to have breakfast at Burger King today! It was an enjoyable time with you, truly. And I saw your house for the first time today! It's pretty spick and span and it's lovely. Tell your mum that! :D I love your full-length mirrors too. Because I can see myself well with them. hee. hee. Love you! So much.
And I have to admit I love 'Anderson' too, since I've been struggling with that
feeling for a loooooooooooooooooooong time. And now you know Anderson's real name even, but please don't spell it out. Haha.

I love the singing session today!

Ooh, I loved the part when Liyana was playing the piano at her house and I was singing to the
melodies.We sang "True" by Ryan Crabera, "Superman", "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz and "Vincent". Ooh, I love to sing. Liyana, you know I want to be a singer and so you kindly
allowed me to sing to your music.
Cool. Thanks.

Love you as my best friend. Again. For the umpteenth time.

I'm not Jonah anymore!

Jonah was an English name I chose for myself because I thought it sounded nice
and sweet and has the strong undertone - which I love.
But I realised on christiannames.com that 'Jonah' is actually a guy's name.
Sounds so girly for a guy's name right? lol.

So I looked for several beautiful names to replace 'Jonah'.
Vote which name sounds best so I can use it for personal nick-name. :D
Here are the names and their meanings:

Idri-fire and peace

Yusra-success

Everlyse-always consecrated to God

Etana-dedication/strength

Eligia-Chosen One

Elish-of noble kin

Etoile-star

Evanthe-blooming

Yolanda-violet flower

Jocasta-shining moon

Jorah-farmer (okay, but no one will know anyway..)

Jolanda-violet flower

Jola-violet flower

Eolande-violet flower

Electra-amber

Juliet-youthful & downy

Eleutheria-free

Eliora-the lord is my light

First day of work at Harper's Kitchen!!

2009-01-07T06:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, so everything was a whirlwind.
On Monday, Meng Fei called me on my handphone to ask if I wanted to take up a job at Harper's Kitchen. I said I'd attend the interview.
On Tuesday, I attended the interview held by James sir and got accepted.

Wednesday.

Today.

I started work!!

Being uneccesarily worried as I usually am, I reached the workplace at 7.25am when I was only expected at 8am. lol. Harper's Kitchen is a small indusrial building located near Payar Lebar, at Tai Seng estate (? no clue about this mrt station too).
Anyway, because the Chinese New year is approaching, we were DAMN busy.
And because of that, I was working like a 'professional' rather than handling tasks befitting a
sweet young new-comer like me. Yikes.
I had to arrange cookies in dough forms on trays: a LOT of that stuff.

Then I had to help overturn some cookies so that some other person could spray chocolate over them. Then I had to arrange pre-baked biscuits on trays.
I was standing for 9 hours plus, working non-stop.
Literally non-stop.
I felt that I could faint when work finished.
My eye-lids are presently getting heavier at the moment too.

Being the sluggish and non-athletic person I am, I was super tired by 9.30am in the morning.

So you can imagine I was a zombie by the time I left work at 6pm.

Omg!! I'm going to torment myself by work again. Tomorrow!!!

To think poor Meng Fei worked O.T yesterday from 8am to 11pm.
Crazy girl! I swear I'm NOT going to be a workaholic like her. Regardless
of production datelines.

I tried the cookies we manufactured.
Super SUPER SUPER sweet, but tasty all the same. YOU, yes YOU, must buy them.
haha.

I offended my lao ban today, the person directly in charge of me.
I guessed his age wrongly.
He's 28. I guess that he was 38.
He jokingly wanted to fire me. lol.
Sorry.....

Nites! my eyes are closing....

2009-01-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

Last Episode of Little Nyonya!

Okay, I don't have to exaggerate like that. I'm not crazy about 'The Little Nyonya", but
it occupies my TV time nonetheless. And it's the talk of town - why? I don't know too.
lol. But anyway, it's not as exciting as it should be for me, because my mum buys 8 days
magazine on a regular basis. And I'm a very curious person by nature, and couldn't help
reading the synopses of the drama serial. >- So, there. :D

Campus Superstar!
I watched Campus Superstar opening concert on Channel U last night at 9pm.
It was a really cool and magnificent concert. I loved the japanese-style school
uniforms the new batch of contestants wore. It's super hot for a school uniform and
makes schooling look all the more appealing. Yeah.
The contestants were quite talented, generally, although some people couldn't sing very
well. There's this malay guy who also takes part in the competition.
I'm proud of him. Beating so many chinese contestants to make it to the finals must be
quite a feat! And of course...
I was thrilled that one of the superstar contestants comes from our very own...

ANGLICAN HIGH SCHOOL!

Her name is Ai Jia and she's incredibly talented. She can dance hip-hop,
which is what she did for the extra performance item, and she can sing too.
At least she doesn't sing out of tune.
Plus she has the necessary experience on stage and is quite professional
in the way she dances, moves on stage and sings.
I'm rooting for her, definitely.
She's real talented, and she's our school's very own brand of a superstar!

Campus Superstar rocks.
So, go watch it! :)

Blah.. I realise I'm getting lazy in my posts..lol

Partly because I spent hours typing on my computer just now.
Was writing my story-Instincts.

Polytechnic Root?
Now that the O'level results are coming out in a jiffy ( one week DOES fly by),
many polytechnics have sent me (actually, us) their brochures and introductory booklets.
I never really considered going the "poly root". I guess we are brought up
to believe the more academic root (J.C) is a safer choice. But after
uncharacteristically reading through the booklets, I thought polytechnic education
might be quite relevant + interesting + relaxing too.
And what with the nightmares I keep getting about O'level results (grr),
maybe I should be mentally prepared to sign up for a polytechnic
education.
Maybe.
Just maybe.

This school holidays has really flown by. It feels as if it never really began.
And now, Chinese New Year is approaching.

Helping my Grandmother!

I don't know if she would require my help in the end, but
I did volunteer to help my grandmother make pineapple tarts for Chinese New Year.
i hope I have enough determination and patience. Lol.
I had thought I was making loveletters/egg rolls, but
it turned out to be pineapple tarts instead (which I don't really favour).
:D So I hope I can be up to mark!

2009-01-03T04:31:00.000-08:00

Just listened to Demi Lovato's "La La Land".
Hey, it's pretty good. go listen.
Erm.. went to All Saints today. Had a "thank you" ceremony.
Back home now. Had black pepper chicken for dinner. :D

lol.
O'level results are coming out on 9 January or 12 January-can't be confirmed.
I hope it comes out on the 9th. Saves the waiting time. haha.
Plus I am so worried about my results.
Sure hope I do well..

Told my mum to buy me a frozen chicken if I get L1R5 8 and below.
No kidding. I want to cook fried chicken because I LIKE to cook.
I told her if I get L1R5 9 or 10, she'll have to buy me lean pork instead.
And if my L1R5 is above 10 points, I get nothing.
Grrr. Pretty scary business.

And I'm writing a story now-called "Instincts".
I'm praying (cross my fingers) that I finish writing it.
Because I never do. haha.
Lack of determination.
But.... I HAVE to finish writing this time.
Pray for me. haha.

Bye!

Last day of 2008 outing. :)

2008-12-31T03:41:00.001-08:00

So, today's the last day of 2008.
Say "wow".
1...2...3...

"WOW!"

lol. I feel so nostalgic, reluctant and have separation anxiety.
Sort of.
I DON'T WANT to say goodbye to this year.
Dunno why, since things haven't worked out too well either...
But, even though I detest this life sometimes,

Life. Is. Short.
Get my point?

As in I keep thinking ths world is going to end soon.
In this generation of ours.
Which isn't baseless or false.
So I keep wanting to do extreme stuff.

Which seriously is so ME.

So Meng Yee.

So Jonah.

Because I want to spend this life in a fun and exciting way.
And as I grow older each day (although I'm still young),
I know I'm growing closer to seventeen years old.
And I want to do as many things as I can now, lest I do not get a chance next time.

Like that I want to break into the hollywood scene. Seriously.

I want to become a singer, a writer.

Not just a writer; but an acclaimed one.
Like Stephenie Meyer.

Gosh, I am suffering the "Isabella Marie Swan" syndrome.
Worry, worry, worry.
What's wrong with me?

I am depressed. Like Bella.

You know what? After I read 'twilight' and perhaps 'new moon' the other day, I was
tossing and turning in bed all night.
I couldn't sleep.
I was semi-conscious and couldn't differentiate between reality and dreams.

So i was thinking in my semi-conscious state.

"Edward"

"Jacob"

"Edward Cullen"

"Jacob Black"

"Bella"

"me."

Apparently, I imagined myself to be Bella at one point.

It was getting ridiculous. lol.
But I somehow believed my dream.
And I was worried all night.

Because I missed Edward Cullen so badly.

Lol. I think I slept for like two hours that night?

haha.

I watched Twilight the movie!!!

Yes, I watched the movie "twilight" today.
what a great way to end 2008, don't you think?

It was a "sexy" show. I THINK.
lol.

It was great. The novel was better, undoubtedly.
But the movie was GREAT too. As expected.
I mean the sound effects and very dark lightings and
the eerie atmosphere created, and the special effects made the show
quite exciting and romantic and magical.
I loved it.
Except that it was quite depressing.

I feel slightly lost right now. A sort of emptiness feeling me.

A sort of painful void feeling.

Because I have finished reading the book series I love.

I have watched the movie.

Then there is nothing left for me now.

Only the thirst for fantasy.

I live in my own world all over again.

Oh wait.

I didn't tell you I want to write a story about cannibals? :D

yeah.

Twilight Saga :D :D

2008-12-30T00:59:00.000-08:00

Twilight! New Moon! Eclipse! Breaking Dawn!

Oh wow! Can I say how much I LOVE this series of books?
Apparently not. Simply because I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the twilight saga TOO MUCH
that no amount of words of adoration can ever do justice to the insurmountable praise for it.
It's simply AMAZING!!!

And so I proudly declare that I've finished reading Stephenie Meyer's four books, not taking breaks in between the books, to finish reading them in approximately 5 and a 1/2 days.
I surrendered my sleep to read them and possibly (just possibly) I could go blind if I read all books in this manner. lol.

I really can't express how much I love Edward Cullen and Isabella Marie Swan too, because i love them just TOO much. They so utterly and hopelessly romantic, intensely in love and intensely lovable. I love Alice Cullen too. :)
And may I say that the actress taking up the role of Bella, (my beloved) Kristen Stewart looks pretty sometimes too. She's not plain looking, as the book suggests at times, and I really like her real personality too.
So easy-going and agreeable, and a good actress too. :D
AND Robert Pattinson (who acts as Edward Cullen) IS hot. Kind of. :D
At least he is when he plays Edward Cullen. And he's cool too (literally-Vampires are
supposed to be!)
So to those who think that Rob "sucks" for the role of Edward Cullen,
your opinion is OVER-RULED.
(psst. Kristen Stewart thinks that Robert Pattinson is handsome. :)
read it on youtube.)\

Ooh.. I was so engrossed in watching youtube videos, searching out all twilight interviews and videos, that I annoyed my sister into waking up from her sleep. (Sorry for the noise!!)
So I turned the volume down.)
but I really have to say that Robert Pattinson laughs alot. (ALOT).
And his laugh is infectious AND likable. Believe it or not, I don't like some people's laugh.
SORRY. >[
And he's really so embarrased to admit that he's supposed to act as the PERFECT guy in twilight.He feels uncomfortable and quite bad. But really, he suits the role. :)

And I have to say that I'm a really lucky girl.
Because I have seen someone who looks perfect before.
Physically perfect. Or microscop-ically close to perfect at least.
He was darn frightfully, heartbreakingly and other-worldly handsome.
As in TERRIBLY TERRIBLY unbelievably handsome.
He's an asian and a chinese, and he really resembled one of the drop-out
singers from the taiwanese boyband Energy.
He was standing directly opposite me in the mrt train many many many months (or even
years back) when I was travelling to my granny's house. And I have to comment
that no one else was crowded around to witness the person of physical perfection I saw.

At first I was really stunned (I hid the emotion well of course) as I thought to myself if I
really was standing opposite a superstar.
Option struck out, definitely.
Because there were no reporters around.
Furthermore, what was he doing in an mrt train in Singapore?
AND, he was literally MUCH MUCH MUCH more handsome than the superstar he resembled.
More handsome and surreal-like than any freaking moviestar or supermodel.
MARK my words.
If he were a caucasian (and he's fair-skinned enough), he would
definitely suit the role of Edward Cullen.
Physical perfection. Remember?

Darn. If looks could kill..

Christmas :)

2008-12-26T01:27:00.000-08:00

Happy second day of Christmas! I'm saying this although
it seems almost a mundane and repetitive statement to make now.

I got two new books-'Eclipse' and 'Breaking Dawn' by Stephenie Meyer from my mum, who actually pays attention to my constant chatter about wanting to read the vampire series!!
My elder sister got the other two books in the series so we can read the entire series by sharing. :D
Shouldn't I be glad?

I got two pairs of shirts from my elder sister in a large Christmas sock. The sock is, admittedly, very pretty with Frosty the snowman stiched at the front. One of the shirts is baby pink and looks pretty cool. It IS cool. It has a lovely tie. And the other shirt is hot pink.
Bright suits me. :D

Christmas Eve dinner at my uncle's house was without a fault, as it is every year. Good food, good turkey, thirst-quenching sparkling juice, and a bit of red wine which he offered so readily to me. :) Okay, I wasn't the only teen drinking wine there. haha. I think I should learn he correct way to hold the wine glass gracefully and savour the wine in an appropriate manner. That would be justice to the wine, wouldn't it be? Funny.
I actually enjoy drinking wine.

Christmas Day!

On this day itself, my family first paid my cousin Carolyn a visit at her beautiful house to acknowledge her first son's coming to one month of age. The high tea we had was FANTASTIC, irresistable too! I especially loved the prawns with bread crumbs. And I loved every other dish too. :D
The marble cake each family got to bring home is marvellous too. What a wondrous way to celebrate, don't you think?

I had thought we were going to my father's colleague's place for dinner on Christmas Day. At least that was what we perceived. But we ended up comfortably seated in Agape's auditorium watching a Christmas musical titled 'Love wil Survive'.
It wasn't bad. It was more than passable too. So my father's friend had invited him to watch the Christmas play.
Nice.
What I like about the Agape audiorium was that the air conditioning unit was tuned to suit me well. Very well, which is a rare occurence. :) I was neither too cold nor warm.
But the arrangement of the seats at the auditorium exposed much of our bodies to the stage, making me feel bare. And awkward.
Like that everyone was watching me from the stage. Weird.
And some familiar songs were sung, with me feeling grateful. They were 'One way-Jesus', 'How could I live without you' and more, which I can't recall at the moment.

Moving on, I read up on cannabalism just now on yahoo. It sounds freaky and exceedingly inhumane, but an interesting topic to use for my writing. :) Because since I'm not writing about vampires, cannabalism seems pretty dangerous too. Which is thrilling.
Kind of.

Lastly, IMF (international monetary fund) expects and predicts a second Great Depression to rock the planet. Like it did when it first occured in 1929. AND the united states was the cause.
Them. Again.
So it seems countries can't falter again, to make the wrong step of relying heavily on the USA.
Because now that they have, the economic recession is taking a spiral to hit us. And hard.
Well, we'll see.
Just when this chaotic world nears the end of the days.

The Great Tribualtion is coming.

PA(RTY)LETTE aka Christmas Outreach:D

2008-12-20T03:26:00.000-08:00

Today I arrived early in the morning at All Saints bao sheng lou to rehearse for our cell group's play for today's Christmas Outreach. My role is simple: just buy tissue from a tissue-selling Ah Ma (my poor Si Hui jie had to take up this role). So I arrived late, at 9.10 am I think.
But I was one of the earliest to reach the place. Again. Shocking huh?
And some people like Eunice (Loy) overslept. ha. ha.

Then I went for lunch with Celeste and Eunice at market 85. And guess what I had?
Salad Chicken Rice.
It's cheap and tasty. See? lol. But that's beside the point.

Anyway, Christmas Outreach was okay. I thought today's sermon by Fu Shun Mu shi/pastor was more interesting than usual. I listened. See? :)
He was talking about the four important things we need to have when getting gifts for others, since it's the festive season now.
The four things are:

1) Giving for free (not expecting anything in return)

2) Creating an element of surprise

3) Taking up effort/time

4) Giving according to the needs of others

We played some gamesduring the programme, games people usually play at birthday parties. Because we have to keep in mind that Christmas's not just a season of giving but is more importantly, the birthday of Emmanuel. (Jesus Christ) :D
So we played musical bench, passing-the-parcel-around, and had a performance item by each of the four Ren Ai cell groups.

Then we had cha dian (tea ceremony/ eating and socialising time), that consisted of hotdog on skewers, pringles, brownies, fishballs, and potato salad.

Then it was time to go
HOME.

So, goodday to you!!

Cooking disasters!

2008-12-16T04:10:00.000-08:00

Talk about kitchen disasters!
Have you tried that? More like experiment with that?
Well, I have. More often than not, the supposedly scrumptious dishes I intend to whip up turn up nasty. Lol.

Today I cooked a dish of pork, and it turned out tasting weird. Weird but luckily still edible.
These are the ingredients I used. I can't say in what proportions though. I am horrendous at getting the right proportions.

Ingredients for my "tasty" dish:

pork slices
oyster sauce
Back bean garlic sauce
shallot
garlic
carrot
salt
corn flour
butter (for oiling the pan)

Yep. So what went wrong?
I think the butter spoilt the taste of the whole dish. You can go try it with the given recipe. That's what happens when ingredients are not matched well. The flavours don't blend and a disastrous episode of eating ensues. (sighs)

But anyway, I'm not one to give up my passions easily. By the way, I have a whole list of passions.
List: Dancing
writing
singing
playing soccer (believe it or not)
cooking
acting
modelling
basically performing
producing a movie
.....
And as if to testify that I don't give up my passions easily, this is the list of food that I have failed to made to perfection, not to say made to taste edible even. HAHA.

List: chocolate cake
pancakes
vegetable salad
scrambled eggs (..don't laugh!)
and more..

The only dish I made well, that was edible and that my family actually enjoyed eating was..

"Babel a la carte"!!!!

It's a dish I created with prawns and egg and achovies. It was a confusing dish, but the flavours blended well. So that's why its name means "confusion".
Anyway, that's why I like prawns as an ingredient. I feel i can't go wrong with it.

Lastly, there's this food recipe for fried squid rings kept somewhere in my mum's office.
That was my first self-created recipe and I think the dish cooked according to that recipe would taste great! I gave that recipe away to my mum, though, and have not tried cooking the dish.
But it's officially my signature dish, plus "Babel a la carte".
Yeah. :D

Kota Kinabalu; Sabah, Borneo Malaysia (Part 2)

2008-12-16T03:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I haven't continued the story about my holiday in Sabah!
I'll just keep it short and sweet now, for the details have departed from my mind. lol.
Besides, I'm freaking lazy.
So here goes....

The wedding dinner that night was a very grand and much publicised affair. What can I say? You can't expect less from my aunt's family which runs a chinese newspaper company in Sabah. So the marriage was announced on their newspaper of course. First page of the section.
Many pictures included. None of me, by the way. lol.

We went up Mount kinabalu. Resided in Lows peak. I went to visit Ugly Sisters Peak, the house my family last stayed in our previus visit. It appeared the same as before, and I ventured to explore the river just below it. And guess what? I slipped over some slippery rocks and soil for a record of 3 times. W-O-W. That's not very nice.

Ooh, guess I didn't mention. I saw Mrs Janet Koh, a fellow teacher of AHS, at Kinabalu Daya Hotel on my second day in Sabah. When we were having buffet breakfast in the hotel. I didn't say "hi" to her of course. I mean she might not have recognised my (lovely :)) face, and I most certainly am not amiable to teachers I gather.

Okay, anyway, there were many scenic breath-taking views on Mount Kinabalu. Honestly. the panaromic scenery would be an inspiration to any aspiring writer, as my elder sis put it. I guess so too.

We visited the war memorial on Mount Kinabalu, dedicated to the British and Australian soldiers plus the fellow town's folk who had died under the hands of the Japanese during World War II. Sad. Many of them died during the death march that spanned 265km, when they were highly deprived of food and water in the first place. That's sick. I'm grossed out. 265km is no joke. Of the 2500 men who were involved in the march, only SIX men made it out alive. To tell their story.
I was dead touched, and encouraged by the bravery and resilience of the poor soldiers. Love them!

Kota Kinabalu; Sabah, Borneo Malaysia (Part 1)

2008-12-12T01:08:00.000-08:00

I'm back home in Singapore! Reached the Singaporean airport at approximately 1:17pm yesterday. I'm so elated to be home. Because I'm patriotic and am proud of the quality of our beautiful, safe airport and the wonderful food here! Anyway, the vacation at Kota Kinabalu in Sabah was good too. :D

First day at Sabah!

Well, I've been to Sabah on two other occasions before and this was the third time I was there. On the first day of my family's vacation this december, we were taken to sample some famous mian xian at a noodle stall there. However, we missed the chance of eating that because it was a thursday and coincidentally mian xian wasn't sold on that day of the week. Anyway, we settled for some fish noodle soup that was really and surprisingly delicious. (because I don't really adore soupy food)
For dinner, my aunt (who lives in Sabah) and her family took us and some other relatives who also visited Sabah for a scrumptious and sumptuous meal at Grand Port View Seafood restaurant. Sabah is renowned for its seafood, diving activities and the like because it is an island with lots of beaches and water surrounding it. Anyway, the most 'exotic' food I tasted at Sabah were the sea snails at this particular seafood restaurant. Lol. They tasted okay; quite like squid actually. And the horned head which I expected wasn't there. I only started munching on this treat after much persuasion from my adventurous cousin!

We didn't do much on the first day of vacation, except lazing about the hotel. The hotel that housed us, Kinabalu Daya Hotel, was decent enough, but their service was questionable. For example, it took the staff there about an hour and some to allocate a room for my elder sister and I, plus my maid. To add on, the first room allocated to us was faulty with a spoilt air-con, so checking into the hotel was a rather messy affair.
Also, we were to check out and into the hotel again two times later because of the activities we were to partake in. Imagine the hassel!!

Manuka Island!

On the second day of our stay at Sabah, my family and my eldest paternal uncle's family took speed boats to Manuka island as part of our staying plan. It was the first time my four year old sister, Meng Ann, wore a life jacket (not to say took a boat!!). The ride was an enjoyable one, for the boat moved across the waters so quickly that the wind went smack into our faces, with our hair messed up and our eyes fighting to keep open. The strong winds had a pleasant cooling effect, and I really liked the boat ride. So did Meng Ann!!

When we had arrived at Manuka Island, and the abundant fish in the waters became clear and distinct, we walked on a long bridge made of logs towards the counter to book in. My family booked into house number 9, which was just some distance away from the entrance of the nature-promoting resort. The house we stayed in was beautiful, with a very natural and peaceful feel. It was constructed with wooden planks of pretty shades and had plants surrounding it. It looked just like a cottage anyone would dream of owning!

Feeding the fish :D >

There were two pretty therapeutic things I did at Sabah. One of them was feeding the fish that surrounded Manuka Island. Thankfully, my jiu mu (aunt) had gotten two big bags of unwanted bread (the part of the bread bakers skin off) for us to feed the ample fish at the island. My young sister, my elder sister and I had great fun throwing bread freely down into the sea. We threw bread down in small pieces so the bread could last longer. But at times, we just threw the bread in whole slices so that we could catch the action of fish fighting for that slice of bread. There would be explosive sounds as the fish leaped for and away from the bread, all trying fervently to get a share of the sumptuous feast while moving away from danger when appropriate. The fishes came in various shapes, sizes, colours and types, and it was really pretty to see all of them clustered together. The rarity was the 'parrot fish'; the larger one with a shade of purple.

Monopoly of selling food>

We had lunch at an eatery at Manuka island, where steep prices were labelled to their food. Reason number one: all the food sold on the island was by a single monopolising chain.
Reason number two: As it was an island away from the mainland, transportation of food to the island was more costly, resulting in higher food prices.
I ate chicken rice for lunch, as there were minimal choices on the menu. There were island burgers, fried noodles or chicken rice for the main course, with chicken wings for the side dish. My plate of chicken rice cost approximately 8 singapore dollars, and it really wasn't too fantastic. But the barbequed chicken wings that we ordered were delicious. The annoyance I got was from two wild cats hanging about at the eatery, who seemed to like lingering around me for food. I freaked out a little and had to move away from my wooden bench several times. Those hungry cats!!!
Thereafter, we found out that a simple buffet barbequed lunch there cost 40 singapore dollars which is basically crazy! I would rather spend money on Sakae Sushi's buffet meal, seriously. Although i'm not one big sushi fan.

When it was around 5.15pm, my dad took my young sister for a bare-footed walk along the sandy beach. (her first again!) My cousin picked up some tiny beautiful shells and passed them to me to make a necklace. I haven't found them since. I think I placed them in a pocket somewhere..haha. Thereafter, we proceeded to take the estimated half-hour trail to the place deep within the dense greenery to view the sun setting. The sun sets pretty early in Sabah, especially around December, I was told. The trail was really steep. It went up at times, and the times when it went down, it felt like I was walking down a really rough slide. Lol. There were mud puddles along the narrow pathway at times, and the trees at the sides were really dense and closely packed. This gave us a cloistered feel, as if we were in the jungle. The trail ended at a hut. I have to admit i was quite disappointed as i had expected something more elaborate at the end of a long journey through dense forestry. Furthermore, the sun had already begun setting when we reached the end-point of the trail. But my father had another wild idea. So that's how my cousin, my elder sister, my father and I ended up going down this incredibly steep slope through trees down to a small rocky piece of shore below. The view below ignited the adventurous spirit in me, which obviously orginated from my father. Lol.

My big cousin, the one who went down with us, related how my father had constructed a raft with his also adventurous friend a long long time ago and used it for getting across several hundred metres of sea to reach an island rather far away. W-O-W. What can I say? haha.

Third day!

On the third day, we fed the hungry fish at Manuka island with the remaining bread slices we had saved up. I even offered a small toddler a tiny slice of bread so he could feed the fish and simultaneously use to take a nice photograph with. His parents were obviously pleased. :D

We departed from this beautiful island in the late morning, and were fetched by the groom-to-be and his brother. In case you didn't know, my family and relatives went to Sabah mainly to attend the wedding dinner of my paternal cousin, and also to give him our blessings and recognise his marriage. But his mum, my favourite paternal aunt, and her family were really marvellous hosts, arranging our trip up to Mount Kinabalu and treating us to sumptuous spreads and being so hospitable. :)

I can't really remember much about the activities of the afternoon, but anyway, my big cousin's birthday was celebrated by my family members and relatives at her hotel room in the evening. It was a pleasant affair, with everyone coming together and chatting away. The birthday cake was of a chocolate and blueberry flavour and it tasted good to me, also because I love pastries. :D

Matrimonial tea ceremony!

7th December 2008-the day of my paternal cousin, Jia Jow's, wedding!!
I arrived at my aunt's house in a pink dress my mum had bought for me and watched on severely as Abalene's and Jia Jow's marital vows were exchanged and the pastor who was appointed to oversee the event was giving his advice on marriage. I don't like being severe or feeling serious and strained, but that was exactly how I felt. Lol. Partially because I did not want to mess up such a serious affair by behaving inappropriately!
I sang two christian songs, together with the witnesses present, that I had been asked to practise singing on the first day of my arrival at Sabah. I sang the two songs with pride and my best melodious voice. :D Thereafter, when everyone was moving out of the house for the photo-taking session, two of my cousins and my elder sister and I took up our positions outside the house and proceeded to trigger the fire-cracker sort of device to work. And mine did work out, sending colourful paper shooting out into the air just behing the newly-weds, after a hard time of turning the container. I think my bottle was faulty. Only my cousin Aloysius's bottle wasn't. The other three of us had a tough time trying to get the device to work. There was an awkward moment.

High tea food and lunch!

After the phototaking session that took place in front of the house pool, we were directed to have some food I think was 'high tea-style' and thereafter have lunch. So we were supposed to have two meals there. W-O-W. We were supposed to eat first before the married adults participated in the matrimonial tea ceremony to cater to friends of the newly-weds who would leave right after their meals.
Truthfully, the food that was supposed to be a snack before actual lunch was delicious and simply sumptuous. The spread was so good and abundant that I basically treated it as my lunch. After sampling the tasty beehoon with all the ingredients and some delicious pastries, I didn't eat what was supposedly lunch. Lol. I was 80% full by then, plus that the food for lunch was gone pretty soon. Apparently, the food for lunch was tastier than the food for our snack, which already was pure heaven. Gosh! I love my aunt! :)

2008-12-02T21:30:00.000-08:00

Continuation of the zoo escapade..

Hello! :D So this is my continuation of my fun-filled day at the Singapore Zoo yesterday.

Proboscis Monkey!
This is one of the ugliest primates I know, that is the monkeys whose male species have humongous pinkish noses.These monkeys have really small beady eyes, a stark contrast to their prominent and ugly noses. But the interesting fact is that the larger the noses of the male proboscis monkeys, the more attractive the female proboscis monkeys find them. A full-grown female proboscis monkey is only half the size of a full-grown male one, and the female species has a much smaller and rather sharp nose. I actually received my zoo admission ticket with this monkey's picture on it! There were a variety of pictures of course. My friend, Liyana, received one with zebras. Anyway, that's how I remember the name of this strange-looking creature.

Baboons!
I think baboons are the primates with the really large and red bottoms, who have thin narrow faces and bushy hair on the sides of their heads. It is said that the baboons with the largest bottoms are the dominant males, with other baboons fearing them most. Some of the baboons I saw through the spacious viewing gallery had tumour-like bottoms which appeared really disturbing at first, and I initially thought they had cancer. But I was later informed that tumour-like bottoms actually meant that those female baboons were ready to mate. How peculiar!
As Liyana had previously worked at the Zoo during the school holidays, she was familiar with the attractions and system there. I was hence lucky to catch an exciting show of the baboons during their token feeding time. To our pleasure, this bunch of fifteen kids and their aunt was present at the zoo to celebrate a girl's birthday. So they willingly paid quite a bit of money to get to feed the baboons small bananas that came in caskets. The kids threw the bananas across to more than a hundred excited and wild baboons, who were fighting each other and squealing and even reaching out to catch hold of their afternoon treat.
It was indeed a splendid sight to see baboons at their liveliest and wildest, and to also be awed by their skillfulness in catching flying bananas. There was this particular dominant male baboon who was especially swift and precise, who caught many flying bananas and hastily peeled them and ate them. In between, he did some stunning leaps which drew cheers and excitement from the kids. The baboons also savoured the banana peels, which helped to clear up the mess in the river separating them and us humans.

Orang Utans!
This species of primates appeals most to me. They are the most intelligent, co-operative, friendly, cheerful and respond most to humans. Besides, that's the species that our very beloved deceased Ah Meng was! It is fascinating to note that they do resemble humans and have pretty high IQs like us, because they have over 90 percent of DNA matching us humans.
I watched merrily as the Orang Utans drank water from a big blue cup and also ate sweet fruit during their token feeding session. The zookeeper kind of interacted with them, issuing instructions and coaxing them. Orang Utans have this endearing quality, that they listen to us and put on smiles and are really gentle creatures. Which make them my favourite animal at the zoo!

Moving on from primates to reptiles..

Snakes!
I took a single photo of me and a boa constricter that was really inactive behind the transparent panel. It was long and rather thick, but I think that the claim about it being able to swallow an elephant has to be false. Haha. I saw a couple of snakes, that came in varieties. Some had venom, some didn't. Some were short, but the longest snake could be up to 9.5 metres long. Some were really thick, others were freaking narrow (to the point where you wonder how they can actually swallow a bird or squirrel). But all of them moult, which means shed skin, and Liyana found this part disgusting. Well, we saw the displays of snakes' moulted skin (skin that had peeled off) and some resembled netted shawls (Eew!) Imagine wearing that around your neck to a fancy party!

I didn't get to see many crocodiles in the zoo, though. Most of them were largely submerged under murky waters or resembled the roots of enormous trees. Yet others were partially hidden by bushes and plants. But one thing is certain. Crocodiles are deadly and scary. Their teeth are as sharp as razors and they can snap at you at lightning speed. Plus they are enormous and intimidating giants. Their scaly backs and slit-like eyes aren't too friendly.

Steep prices at the zoo:
Okay, if you want to know how expensive it is to spend the day at the zoo, here is a typical example. Popcorn costs $6.90 there, and a packet of potato chips that usually come at the price of $1 cost a uniform $3 at any part of the zoo.
That's why I'm glad my father finally let me go to the zoo after some persuasion. I have to start saving up money, a good advice from Liyana, because I NEVER saved money. And I only know how to spend it. haha.

Away for a week:
As I'll be away for a week in Sabah, please don't bother to contact me from th 4th of December to the 11th. and my blog would officially be stagnant till the 11th, after which I hope I'll have pretty pictures to put up on Facebook. :)
Anyway, photos of me at the zoo would be posted on Facebook (if you happen to want to see).
And till the 11th, it's sayonara!

2008-12-02T07:21:00.000-08:00

Wooah! :D

My adventure today!
Guess what? I went to the zoo today! With my good friend Liyana bte Jamil of ten years. Can you believe it? i think she's my "oldest" friend so far, because she's been my friend for more than half of my life. haha.

The Zoo was great fun. Now, before you start to yawn and complain that zoos are boring places, let me tell you something. I personally don't like animals. In fact I'm afraid of them. I refused to enter the butterfly world! lol.
But the zoo is a fun place. Come on, there are so many things to do there. Like watch the animals during feeding time, fighting each other, mating (oops!), lazing around or playing! And Liyana and I catched two animal shows at the Zoo (which were great gems, really). Actually, we went for one and a half shows, because we were late to see the elephants perform. lol.
They were great! Clever like Einstein? And friendly like ME! (okay, this isn't a very good example) And the performance by the seal Carlos, some penguins and pelicans and seacows was magnificent too. Carlos, the seal, was especially attractive. He did many stunning flips and twirls in the water, causing water from the pond to splash out wildly at the audience. (to the delight of us all, especially me as I was sitting out of reach. haha.) He was like...SUPER intelligent in seal terms. Because he kept waving at the audience, shook hands with some enthusiastic volunteers, and gave two cute little boys wet kisses (it went "smack!")
And he was really vain as well, happy to get to take many photographs with delighted tourists.
Too bad I didn't take photos with Carlos. The shots cost 5 bucks, mind you. And i had already blown $23 on the zoo entrance ticket and relatively new addition - The boat ride!!!

Interesting information!
Unsuspecting as ever, I sat on the statue of Ah Meng (the beloved deceased Orang Utan) to take a PERFECT photo with 'her'. To my surprise and delight, I discovered later that Ah Meng was buried in the zoo. What more?- at the exact same spot i had taken the photo with my love! (her statue, that is!) That's pretty cool, huh? !

I saw kidzworld! But couldn't play there of course. Firstly, that would seem childish. Secondly, I didn't bring my bathing suit along. The paradise for children was pretty and really colourful though. And Liyana and I did try out the 'flying fox' which was around the same location, and also play with some kiddos on a raft which we were supposed to use a rope to transport ourselves from one end of a river to the other. It was FUN. :D
And we also saw these interesting Dinosaur statues about (they were quite rubbery in texture) and we took fun shots with them. It'd be a waste not to, right? Considering the success of Jurasic Park!

The White Tigers!
For those of you who have the wrong idea about the moat surrounding the white tiger enclosure, it isn't wide or huge. I think it's just really steep and deep, but rather narrow according to my standards. Like that a superbly good long-distance jumper can jump into the white tiger exhibit from the outside or something, without the barriers of course!
I saw Omar! The male, dominant, pretty, largest white tiger there is in the Singapore Zoo. (Our very own zoo! I'm so proud of it. :D)
I learned that white tigers usually attack their prey by biting on their necks. One single bite could suffocate or strangle one to death. But seriously, the white tigers didn't appear very fierce. In fact two of the other white female tigers were lazing around, with only Omar keeping a watchful stare. And they were really peaceful, because I guess they don't stir up trouble if you don't go surrender yourselves to them.

Okay, I'll continue my post about the Zoo tomorrow.
I'm just exhausted. Plus it's getting late. Good night! :D :D

2008-12-01T00:30:00.000-08:00

Time: Monday, 4.30PM, Ist December

Piece of me!
In three days' time, I'm flying off to Sabah in Malaysia! It's gonna be a one-week vacation for my family, which is attending my cousin's grand wedding affair there. Our itinerary includes staying on Mount Kinabalu for a day and spending our time enjoying mother nature at a beach resort. Cool.
I wonder if I shall swim there. It'd be a waste not to, but you know, I haven't swam in a WHILE. So I hope I don't end up breathing in water OR drowning, or injuring myself (which I am often prone to).
Now, I'm not exactly excited about going away on vacation. Well, you must be thinking I'm nuts. Not really. I'm just a reallly lazy girl, and I hate packing and unpacking for holidays.
I think I'd rather stay home to watch movies and great programmes (which includes 'Home Alone' haha.)

Wildboyz (Crazy show)
Okay, right now I'm going to tell you about a crazy and distressing show I watched yesterday at my grandma's place (while she was resting). My sister and I played around with the channels and stumbled on this rather 'interesting' show about these few crazy and wild men who try things ordinary people wouldn't dare to try.
The show started off okay, with those guys pretending to be Tarzan, dressing like Tarzan (which means in dirty clothes) and swinging on branches or those things hanging from trees.

Then the show progressed, and they started doing unthinkable stuff. One man boldly used a long needle to slowly poke his eyeball. (WOW) And he said he thought it was cool. The other men kind of cheered and laughed and joked as he did his crazy act. I covered my eyes as the act was done, and when I opened them again, I saw a stream of blood trailing down the guy's face from his eyeball. Know what? He smiled.
CRAZY!

And then there was a part when the men were all sitting in an inflatable boat, and suddenly a tiger appeared and ran towards them fiercely. The bunch of crazy guys weren't afraid at all. They laughed and were merry as they slowly got out of the boat and allowed the tiger to attack the boat.

My Dream
If dreams meant something, I am puzzled about what my dreams mean to me.
I have the most ridiculous dreams ever, where I am neither chased nor doing anything that might symbolise something in the psychological field.

Actually, mostly, I dream of supernatural stuff. The setting is pretty queer. It involves people I know, my very own friends, has a highly ghostly element, is like a thriller, and has a very unexplainable plot.
It's like there was this weird game in my dream, where my friends and I had to take turns walking alone into a balcony ( one at a time),where there were all these ancient english chairs and tables about with english people (the ladies in expensive hats) sitting round having tea. And these people actually disappear and reappear in a very ghostly, dreamy way. There are the few waiters, with bows and smart suits on, walking about serving the few customers. There were these two young school girls giggling and running into the washroom nearby. And we were supposed to walk into this supernatural, ghostly balcony one by one to see who could stay there and come out alive.
And I actually went into the balcony singing a christian song, hoping I would be safe somehow from the ghostly elements. I feel the chills. Can you??
lol. I was thinking about writing a story inspired by my supernatural dreams, called 'Blood War In Dreamscape'.
What do you think?

If blogging creates pimples...

Haha. It's true.
i think using the computer too often and for too long periods of time gives people oily and bad complexions.
Because of the radiation emitted from the computer that is bad for our healths. Plus we might get dark eye circles for real. I'm saying this because I have been 'addicted' to the computer for days in a row.
I think I need to exercise (which is literally Mission Improbable)
Lazy ME!

haha. lol.

2008-11-28T18:59:00.000-08:00

Current mood: heavy-hearted
Current favourite song: 'I'm Yours' by Jason Mraz
Current favourite piano piece: Marriage D'amour (the only piece I can play without the music sheet)

Current headline news:
Singaporean lawyer Ms Lo Hwei Yen murdered in the Mumbai attacks!

Call the terrorists cowards or whatever you like. They shouldn't have robbed this 28 year old of her life, her glorious future, and her happiness. Her death was no doubt horrifying. I mean, no one really wants to die so young when they are in the prime of their lives. What's more? At the hands of ruthless terrorists?
I'm thinking of becoming a part of the Intelligence team when I grow up, to crack down on various terrorist groups and stop them from doing any more harm!!! Well, I guess my IQ isn't bad, but my impulsive nature might land me in trouble though..lol.
Okay, I think it's real cool to fight for national/international interests as part of an undercover force or something. I mean: think James Bond and Get Smart. haha.

By the way, I decided to come up with a list of my favourites as this is only my 3rd entry on my new blog.
List of favourites :

colour-ORANGE! (the colour that signifies vibrance, vigour, ecstacy and THE life!)

number- 7 (because it reminds me of heaven), 251 (which has something to do with my favourite fictional character Anderson) and 251***(the last three digits are secret because this number is occassionally used as my password. haha.)

food- (well, I pretty much love gastronomical treats.) barbequed chicken wings, seafood at Jumbo restaurant (lol, can't think of anything else) , and NEVER EVER foie gras (gosh! look at the way they force-feed and torture the geese. yuck!)

song- 'I'm Yours' by Jason Mraz, 'True' by Ryan Cabrera, Christian Songs! (unbeatables man!), 'That's why' (..you go away I know...)

Movie- The Lord of the Rings!!!, The Parent Trap, Titanic (makes me cry), The Prince of Egypt, The Green Mile (WOW, you'll love this touching show), The Ten Commandments, Artificial Intelligence, The Sixth Sense and many many more.

TV drama serial- Forensic Heroes (currently screened on Channel U), The Vagrant, and more.. (can't think, sorry) oh yeah, The Price of Peace, The Way Out..

Talk Show- The Ellen Degeneres show (duh..lol)

Reality Tv Series- Survivor (what can I say? it rocks.) and more..

piano piece- Marriage D'amour

Comedy movies- White Chicks (hilaaaaaaaaaarioussss!) and Kung Fu Panda.

Genre for stories- fantasy and adventure, romance

pasttime- using the computer (don't you know? haha.) , watching shows and movies, listening to music, singing, dancing, daydreaming, reading, looking at me!, just having fun and all the excitement that colour my life

My Passions :
Writing, singing, performing, acting (anything with a hint of 'celebrity' in it), cooking (yum!), daydreaming, creating, producing, solving mysteries, arrgh...

So...

This is ME!

2008-11-27T06:44:00.000-08:00

Mood right now: Intense

Okay, so I was waiting to use the computer after my elder sis as I have a whole lot of things to write about today. I just have a rush of emotions now, and so many things are clogged up in my saturated mind.
Firstly though, I have to comment that it IS a displeasurable thing to wait. Yup, bet you have to agree with me. I mean, it gets really intolerable when you suddenly have a flow of words to type out but have to wait till your impulse to write is taken away before you even commence on writing. This is what I have to say. (Arrrgh.)

On Edward Cullen (male protaganist of 'twilight'):
I wonder what's wrong with me. I think I have a crush on guess who?
Edward Cullen. Not that you should find it shocking, because many people actually like him. My classmates for example. haha. But the interesting part is I haven't even read the popular vampire series by Stephenie Meyer. It's just that somehow, I relate the fictional character to Robert Pattinson (or whatever the actor's name is), whose eyes are real intense. And he seems rather like a gentleman. That's sweet. Plus the fact that Edward is supposed to be addicted to the main female character's scent, which is all so intense. And she is immune to his mind-reading abilities(according to the description in Teenage magazine). So I think I like Edward. (WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? lol.)
Okay, maybe you don't get my point. But this will remain a very interesting part of my history.
That I always seem to like the male protaganist in every story I read. Stories are just so fairy-tale like. Yup. Okay, there's the exception of some characters though whom i would never EVER find lovable.
Examples- Hercule Poirot( Agatha Christie's favourite fictional detective) and of course there's Sherlock Holmes and more.

My greatest sins:
In case you are wondering why I'm talking about my greatest sins, it's because I realise I like to do certain things that aren't right and can be really baffling to myself.
One of them is lying.
Okay, this is weird, because I think I lie alot sometimes and yet I feel I am rather honest at others. It all depends on the definition of lying.
My weakness lies in the word 'deception'. I feel (it's a meer feeling) that I love to deceive myself and others regarding many issues. Like that one day I decide to take a liking for playing the piano. (it's a decision, mind you) but after a while, I decide again that i don't really fancy it.
I seem to like this or detest this not based on my own feelings, but according to the judgement of my mind. Like that I think it's cool to be fickle-minded ot something. Funny.
Nope, I guess I am afraid to say the truth. Because sometimes truths crush dreams, and in order to retain dreams, we lie to others.
And to ourselves.
Bet you know what I mean. Somehow.

Another sin- being self absorbed
Many people think that being self-centered and self-absorbed aren't sins. They are in a way.
because we are supposed to love others and care for them. But self-absorption brings about selfishness, which isn't desirable. I have to admit I am incredibly self-absorbed. There's no need for pretence. Anyone who truly knows me knows I'm self-absorbed. Like that I want the best for myself, want to look good, want to be prominent, am ignorant of other people's needs and wants and all. Gosh. i need to break free from this sin. It's actually really sad when i have to hear from the lips of others about the tribulation someone else has been put through when it is supposed to be obvious, given the behaviour of that person in preceding days. But I am usually clueless about the sufferings or troubles of others. I usually only recognise I have a problem, and no one else.
Which is a misconception on my part.

Lastly, because I am rather frustrated now, I want to comment that we should all realise our weaknesses before we start pointing an accusing finger at others.
That's all for now.
Nites!

2008-11-26T09:39:00.000-08:00

Wow. Can you believe it?
Can I believe it?
Prom just ended. Like that.
And I probably would forget it even began.
Not that it wasn't fun. But time just seems to fly.
And we're all really parting ways this time.
Not that I should care. Not that i cared.
Yup, I never loved school life. Never..
Always felt upset, down, anxious, whatever.
And actually I was relieved when O'levels and school ended.
But you know, somehow, I DO feel a little dis-spirited that our lives just diverge at this point.
We might never meet again. My friends, my enemies, everyone I valued or detested at school.
And i wish I would never have to feel the nostalgia later in life.
Nostalgia makes me want to cry. Many times, even if I don't cry, my heart is silently being broken. Parting with a life I'm so familiar with breaks me.
But I shall stand again.
No matter. I have greater tasks ahead waiting for me.
What am I waiting for? What are YOU waiting for? It's 1:47am in the morning (thursday morning). I can't sleep because my hair is wet.
I am weary, slightly exhausted, but I won't let myself rest now.
I keep thinking about things, about life, and I feel grievous.
What must come will come, what must be will be, what shall not will never be fulfilled.
My life's course would be written in dark ink for me, according to the various choices I make in life.
It's true that I can't accept certain things, can't understand certain things, can't tolerate certain things, can't forgive easily, can't forget easily. Yet.
There's just this whole lot of things for me to learn in life, this whole lot of things for me to experience, this whole lot of dangers for me to encounter, this whole lot of heartache to endure, happiness to savour, times to cherish, whole lot of things for me to let go.
The end of prom and the end of secondary school life remind me that at the end, there is a new beginning.
I would begin on a new chapter of my life, on a clean start, on a new blog!!
This blog is to record my yesterday, relate a piece of me, and reveal things about me (the dreamer)
This would be my revelations.
M.Y revelations.